Op-Ed: Sometimes I Think About Chernobyl And I Just Freak Out
But seriously, even just writing about it, I am completely freaking out right now.
Category Archives: World
I Was Born in the Wrong Generation Says Area Man with Pronounced Browline and Penchant for Hunting Mammoths
“Kids today, only want iPhone and hot chip. No appreciation for flint knapping or nomadic lifestyle,” said Stonespear while eying my processed food nervously.
Final Women’s History Month Announced for 2023
There have also been various movements to decide what should replace these lost Women’s History Months. Polling aggregate and news site Buzzfeed is the current battleground for the decision. According to the website, the current leading options are Free Dairy Queen Cone Month, Pride Month 2, Grandparents’ Month, and Monthy McMonthface.
DJ Moondog Sued By Estate of Famed Canine Cosmonaut Laika
“As it stands, Moondog’s face is a disgrace to the entire space race.”
VeggieTales Officially Incorporated into Biblical Canon
Diehard supporters of the Eucharist reject the pious produce, claiming that the only food group that can be connected to God is flaccid bread.
New Survey Finds Curling to be Best Olympic Sport to have Sex to
There’s just something about those rocks that gets my mind thinking and my body moving
Desperate Black Friday Shoppers Pry Clothes from Sweatshop Children’s Small Little Fingers
69 sweatshop workers, of which 68 were lazy, slacking children, were reportedly trampled, maimed, or otherwise injured during the event.
Wildcat Geogame Under Fire from UN After Claiming Saxony “Part of Greater Poland”
The geogame clarified, “Bolesław I the Brave, Duke of Poland, claimed Saxony for Greater Poland in 1002.”
Data Shows January 2021 Was Best Month for Mansplainers Since December 1999
Mansplainers were able to educate people on a vast range of topics including “what a riot really is,” “the legal nuance behind insurrection,” and “who actually controls the stock market.”
From the Archives: Calls to Abolish Greek Life of Philosopher Socrates, Forced to Drink Hemlock
“I mean for Zeus’ sake, we’ve barely just invented math, we don’t have time for philosophy!”