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Category Archives: World

Next Time, North Korea Won’t Use Fisher-Price Rocket

April 11, 2009 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

SEOUL—A report surfaced early Friday morning that the North Korean military had successfully launched a rocket from a beach near Pyongyang. The rocket cruised 100 ft. across the beach before landing harmlessly in the breaking waves of the Pacific Ocean. “This is a great day for the North Korean military,” explained foreign official Kim-Seong Moon, “It truly establishes North Korea as one of the most potent military forces in the entire world.” The rocket was clearly ineffective, as it fizzled

Chicago Out of 2016 Olympic Race after Committee Tours South Side

April 3, 2009 Anant Shah Leave a comment

CHICAGO—The International Olympic Committee’s (IOC) five day tour of the city was cut short late Sunday evening. Members began arriving on Thursday at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport and were welcomed by a colorful display of 2016 Olympic banners and flags. Mayor Daley was on hand for the IOC’s arrival. “We’ve been planning this for a long time. We have to put a lot of time and money into this; we’ll try to impress the [committee] as much as possible. It

Infertile Couple Adopts a Highway

February 6, 2009 Jeremy Keeshin Leave a comment

BOULDER JUNCTION, WI—In what is being called revolutionary and ground-breaking news around the country, the simple couple from Boulder Junction, Wisconsin, Mary and Timothy Dawson, have high hopes that they will adopt a highway. The Dawson’s had been trying to have a child for the past three years, but it just wasn’t working. “We went to our doctor,” Mary said, “and he told us we were going to have to look at other options. He suggested possible sperm donation, or