Category Archives: World

China Decrees All Sesame Street Episodes Must Include Chinese Lessons

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BEIJING – Chinese officials were surprised to learn Thursday morning that their indirect funding of PBS grants them the power to determine the content of Sesame Street episodes. Mitt Romney alerted the world to this fact during Wednesday night’s presidential debate, when he promised, “I will eliminate all programs that don’t pass this test: is the program so critical it’s worth borrowing money from China to pay for it? I’m sorry, Jim, I’m going to stop the subsidy to PBS.

Read more No. 88, Politics, World

Study: World Really Fucking Depressing

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EARTH – According to a recent report issued by scientific journals, current events periodicals, supermarket tabloids, internet bloggers, the Federal Reserve, and the US Department of Transportation, planet Earth is a really fucking depressing place to live. Drawing from a sample size of over 6 billion people, the report found corruption, narcissism, violence, and willful ignorance to be rampant without exception in every environment settled by human beings. Although these predispositions were only observed in approximately 23% of the global

Read more No. 88, Politics, World

Purchaser of “The Scream” Also Buys Nation of Tuvalu

FUNAFUTI, TUVALU – Willy Telavi, Prime Minister of Tuvalu, was informed Friday that his nation had been sold at auction to the same man who purchased “The Scream.” Although the famous Munsch painting sold for a record $119.9 million May 2, Tuvalu went for a paltry $15 million, though this is admittedly more than twice as large as Tuvalu’s annual budget. The purchaser is determined to remain anonymous, unwilling to divulge to the public his true identity and just how

Read more No. 84, World

Iran Wins Best Foreign Film, Abandons Nuclear Program

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TEHRAN – Minutes after the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film was awarded to A Separation, the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that the country will abandon its controversial nuclear program. The president spoke from a makeshift stage set up in the middle of the city’s famous Azadi Square accompanied by a local dance troupe performing an elaborate interpretive dance sequence representing the award statuette. “This is the joyous day when the great state of Iran, with its glorious

Read more Entertainment, No. 77, Politics, World

Eeyore Killed in House Collapse

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THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD, EAST SUSSEX, ENGLAND – The Lewes Police Force reported Tuesday that Eeyore, the lugubrious but beloved stuffed donkey best known through his acquaintance with Edward Bear (colloquially known as “Winnie-the-Pooh”), was found dead Tuesday. Eeyore, seen at right in a 2003 picture, was 85 years old. Constable Henry Anderson discovered the body under a pile of logs after the Lewes Police received a 999 call from Mr. Pooh. “It was a grisly sight,” shuddered Anderson. “His

Read more Entertainment, No. 77, World

Italian Cruise Ship Runs Aground on Massive Stereotype

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GIGLIO, ITALY- Italian Coast Guard incident reports released exclusively to the Flipside have shed new light on the true cause of the Costa Concordia disaster.  While the official reports have posited several theories (ranging from the sudden appearance of a beautiful woman on shore to repeated ship-to-shore telephone calls from the captain’s mother) as to why the ship ran aground and sank, transcripts from police interviews with Captain Francesco Schettino suggest otherwise.  Twenty minutes into the interview, Schettino appears to

Read more No. 72, World
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