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Category Archives: World

Iran Wins Best Foreign Film, Abandons Nuclear Program

February 29, 2012 Brian Lee Leave a comment

TEHRAN – Minutes after the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film was awarded to A Separation, the Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced that the country will abandon its controversial nuclear program. The president spoke from a makeshift stage set up in the middle of the city’s famous Azadi Square accompanied by a local dance troupe performing an elaborate interpretive dance sequence representing the award statuette. “This is the joyous day when the great state of Iran, with its glorious

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Eeyore Killed in House Collapse

February 29, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

THE HUNDRED ACRE WOOD, EAST SUSSEX, ENGLAND – The Lewes Police Force reported Tuesday that Eeyore, the lugubrious but beloved stuffed donkey best known through his acquaintance with Edward Bear (colloquially known as “Winnie-the-Pooh”), was found dead Tuesday. Eeyore, seen at right in a 2003 picture, was 85 years old. Constable Henry Anderson discovered the body under a pile of logs after the Lewes Police received a 999 call from Mr. Pooh. “It was a grisly sight,” shuddered Anderson. “His

Greece Produces More Gyros, Not Enough Euros

February 22, 2012 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

In a recent miscommunication, Greece sent 100,000 gyros to Germany to avoid debt default. After confusing the delicious pita wraps for the currency, the Greeks remain unashamed.

Italian Cruise Ship Runs Aground on Massive Stereotype

January 25, 2012 Andrew Gresik Leave a comment

GIGLIO, ITALY- Italian Coast Guard incident reports released exclusively to the Flipside have shed new light on the true cause of the Costa Concordia disaster. While the official reports have posited several theories (ranging from the sudden appearance of a beautiful woman on shore to repeated ship-to-shore telephone calls from the captain’s mother) as to why the ship ran aground and sank, transcripts from police interviews with Captain Francesco Schettino suggest otherwise. Twenty minutes into the interview, Schettino appears to

Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un Wins GOP Iowa Caucus

January 12, 2012 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

The evil and untrustworthy American government refused to comment on this great victory for The Most Prodigious Consumer of Kimchi.

NU Freshman Takes Wrong Shuttle Home, Ends Up In Qatar

January 5, 2012 Flippy Leave a comment

Pacific Ocean Invades North Korea, Kim Jong Il Threatens Nuclear Force

December 27, 2011 Samuel Howes Leave a comment

NORTH KOREA- On November 23rd, the nation of North Korea was nearly engulfed by the Pacific Ocean, becoming the most recent victim to rising sea levels this year. While most scientists have attributed this natural occurrence to melting ice caps and global warming, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il begged to differ, stating that he “often looks at the water, among many other things” and “had known for months that the Ocean was preparing to invade”. Fearing the Pacific Ocean

[Future Issue: 2161] Evidence of Life Discovered in Mexico

November 14, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Scientists have observed the presence of single-celled organisms in Mexico, inviting speculation that the arid wasteland may have sustained life at some point in the past, and could possibly be colonized in the future. Scientists were quick to caution against unbridled enthusiasm, noting that while thermal imaging has identified possible sources of water just under the surface, probe results have indicated that the soil is an estimated 40% benzoylmethylecgonine (cocaine) and 30% concentrated lead. The new discovery

[Future Issue: 2161] Robot Jesus Reported Crucified

November 11, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

AUSTIN, TX – The lifeless body of Ultra Jesus 3000 has been retrieved from a cross at the summit of Comanche Peak. The 33-month old robot, hailed as the messiah of a fringe religious cult, is suspected to have been tortured and killed by a group of fundamentalist Christians, though early reports indicate that most Texans intend to blame the Jews anyway. The enigmatic robot has been shrouded in mystery since his date of programming, and many wild and varied

Autopsy reveals Gaddafi died after tripping over his own name

November 2, 2011 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

TRIPOLI – An autopsy performed on the body of Muammar Gaddafi revealed that the former Libyan premier died not from a gunshot wound as was originally believed but instead from blunt force trauma sustained when he tripped over the spelling of his own name. He promptly went tumbling down the stairs in his Sirte safe house, causing internal injuries from which he would not recover. One of Gaddafi’s right hand men, Tarek Al-Abgari, confirmed this finding. “He was just standing