Concussed Football Player Shows up to Press Conference Six Days Late
“Such a nice boy, even if his brain is a little mushy. Oh well, it’s not like anyone ever forced him to play football,” said head custodian Alexander Jones.
Category Archives: Sports
Super Bowl Preview: Seahawks Will Fly away with Victory, Gouge out Broncos’ Eyes
The Flipside predicts a 28-21 Seattle victory in Super Bowl XLVIII, based on the fact that sea hawks (Pandion haliaetus) can fly and broncos (Equus ferus caballus) cannot.
Encouraging Evidence Suggests Most College Athletes Can Read
Last week a research study actually discovered something positive about the world, delighting many. After months of research, a CNN team proudly announced that some college athletes read at an elementary school level.
Northwestern University Wins Hearts and Minds of Illinois
“The annual game between Northwestern University and the University of Illinois is one of the greatest traditions in the whole state,” said Emma Martinez, Emeritus Professor of Illinois Studies at the University of Notre Dame.
SLIDESHOW: The Flipside Attends a Football Game
As the football season draws, or crawls, to a close, The Flipside would like to take a moment to reflect on some of the most iconic moments of this season. We have laughed, we have cried, we really never stopped crying. This photo slideshow captures the highlights from our narrow blowout defeat to Wisconsin.
Northwestern University Football Team Loses Game
While the Northwestern team repeatedly threw the ball very far and oftentimes ran with it after making these very far throws, the other team was able to more effectively perform a similar sequence of throwing, catching, and running with the football.
Basketball Coach Chris Collins Inducted into Northwestern Hall of Fame
Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
OPINION: Venric Mark’s Injury Could Derail Northwestern’s Dream Season
A healthy amount of national attention, a near-victory over a national championship contender, and a successful Hail Mary were just a few of the things that have made this season memorable so far. Yet, it could all be in vain due to Venric Mark’s season-ending injury.
Northwestern Successfully Recruits Top Basketball Prospect; World Might End
“Yeah, I can’t say we really understand it,” said Northwestern Men’s basketball head coach Chris Collins, referring to the sudden arrival of the player of his dreams, not the devastating meteorological phenomena currently wracking the globe. “We’re just thrilled to have him.”
[Tabloid Issue] CELEBRITY GOSSIP: Marching Band Dumps Football Team
“[The Band is] totally turned on by victory,” said Tom, a Medill junior who would not give his last name. “And by big sticks,” he added. The Marching Band is believed to be entering a new relationship with the Women’s Field Hockey Team.