Flipside Reporters Return from Sochi Sunburnt, Laid (Winter Olympics Recap)
In case you missed any of The Flipside’s Winter Olympics coverage, the links below will make sure you get the scoop on what really went down in Sochi this year.
Category Archives: Sports
Inspired by Sochi, Dubai Prepares Winter Olympics Bid
“Dubai has the largest ski resort in the region,” Sheikh Mohammed said. “We also have the resources and funds available to create essentially anything we need to host the winter Olympics.”
Sprungschießen (Ski Jump Archery) Deemed Too Easy, Will Be Made More Difficult in 2018
Sprungschießen is a new event at the Winter 2014 Olympics this year that requires athletes to shoot a moving target with a bow and arrow immediately after launching after a ski jump. In addition, jumpers must execute an elaborate series of twists, flips, turns, and rotations.
“The Most Dangerous Biathlon” Disappoints Spectators with Only Twelve Deaths
The event has an illustrious history dating back to the 1960 Winter Games in California, when Olympic host and US Vice President Richard Nixon personally wiped three names off of his Enemies List.
International Skating Union to Replace Figure Skating Judges with Bond Henchmen
“Have you seen Skyfall? No KGB, not even mention. No cabbage for my little girls. Now, I make Mother Russia happy, my girls get cabbage and no one dead. Perfect,” said Ilya Vladikov, a former KGB agent who now works as a freelance filmmaker/assassin.
Denmark Dominates in Polar Bear Jumping with Gold Medal Performance
Karstensen’s bear nearly lost its footing as it landed on slippery ice in the last jump of the round. The excited fans audibly gasped, then cheered as Ingegerd managed to remain upright and finish the competition.
“Total Loser” Olympian Only Gets Laid 50 Times at Olympic Village
Athletes like Wilson, however, who are either introverted, in committed relationships back home, or sixteen-year-old figure skating prodigies, are happy to merely get laid a couple dozen times during their trip.
France Accuses Russia, US of Cheating; Awarded Gold Medal for Tattling
“The United States is not, has never, and would never cooperate with the Russians on awarding each other higher scores. We would consider conniving with the Germans or Canadians, but we asked them and they refused.”
Slopestyle Course Cited with Safety Concerns
Critics pointed to multiple rings of fire, swinging buzz-saws, and jumps over pits of hungry piranhas as proof that some elements of the course were marginally too dangerous.
Sochi Olympics Debuts New “Extreme” Winter Sports
President Putin has graciously permitted athletes to wear flame-retardant clothing, but notes that only pussies will do so.