Football Team Disappointed in Lack of Post-Game Chick-Fil-A
Senior captain Brandon Vitabile commented on the unfortunate situation. “I can’t believe it. To come all this way only to find out it was all for nothing.”
Category Archives: Sports
Northwestern Athlete Makes Invaluable Contribution to Discussion Section
“He gave such an outstanding insight into our topic that I immediately felt guilty about all of the times I devalued his academic worth.”
Notre Dame Changes Religious Affiliation to “Agnostic”
SOUTH BEND, IN — After a hard fought loss to the Northwestern Wildcats, the University of Notre Dame has decided to change its religious affiliation from Catholic to Agnostic. The first of its kind, Notre Dame’s newfound institutional agnosticism was predicated on the overwhelming sense of confusion, frustration, and spiritual suffering following the Fighting Irish’s Saturday evening loss. “After such a clear display of the lack of justice and righteousness on this earth, Notre Dame felt it was unconscionable to
NCAA Rejects Northwestern’s Request to Curve Football Scores
“I was hoping a curve would bring my pass completion rate up to at least like, an 80%,” said Trevor Siemian, Northwestern’s quarterback.
Commissioner of Baseball Investigating Allegations of Witchcraft against San Francisco Giants
If Selig does find evidence that [a witch doctor] has been “fixing” games, it could lead to the Giants’ retroactive disqualification from the 2014 World Series, passing on the title to the Kansas City Royals.
OPINION: I Could Husk Corn at the Age of 3
When I was three years old, my Pa-Paw handed me a bucket of corn and told me to get to work. I’d never done this before, but three-year-old me picked it right up.
Man Who Doesn’t Follow Football Fails to Create Accurate Mock Draft
Walters predicted that the Jaguars would draft an actual jaguar with the third overall pick. “I don’t think there’s a rule football players need to be human. The Jaguars will never lose again with this pick!”
The 2014 Spring Formal Draft Helps Students Pick Dates
We’ve rated Northwestern’s top 100 prospects, from the good to the bad to the nonexistent. Just like the NFL draft, we’re not picking any RBs and we’re definitely not picking Kain Colter.
Study: NHL Fans Only Care About Fights
While Americans have claim to March Madness, May Mayhem, February Fever, and July Jaundice, April Anger is the pride and joy of every self-respecting Canadian.
[Denial Issue] NU Sports: A Year in Review
I was heartbroken when we were robbed from a chance at a bowl game (I thought being such a big contender in the Big 10 would at least get us SOMETHING) but at least we won the Land of Lincoln trophy!