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Category Archives: Sci/Tech

Northwestern Unveils New Meme Studies Major

November 23, 2011 Richie Hoffman 22 comments

EVANSTON – In a move to appeal to an increasingly Internet-centric youth, Northwestern University will be offering a major in Meme Studies, Assistant Dean for Curriculum Joan Linsenmeier announced yesterday. Northwestern will become the first major university to offer a degree in the up-and-coming science of Internet memes. This announcement comes in response to years of student petitions for the university to offer a full major in studying Internet memes – which, for those uninitiated in Internet culture, is defined

[Future Issue: 2161] Robot Jesus Reported Crucified

November 11, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

AUSTIN, TX – The lifeless body of Ultra Jesus 3000 has been retrieved from a cross at the summit of Comanche Peak. The 33-month old robot, hailed as the messiah of a fringe religious cult, is suspected to have been tortured and killed by a group of fundamentalist Christians, though early reports indicate that most Texans intend to blame the Jews anyway. The enigmatic robot has been shrouded in mystery since his date of programming, and many wild and varied

Man returns iPhone 4S after alleged sexual harassment

October 25, 2011 Tom Schroeder Leave a comment

TOPEKA – One man of Tecumseh, Kansas who prefers to be referred to only as “Brian,” is filing charges against Apple for sexual harassment by the new iPhone’s voice-recognizing assistant. “It all started off alright,” Brian said, “I was excited about the new update, I unboxed it right away…it all seemed so normal.” Brian says that he should’ve taken the phone’s first interaction with him more seriously. “I started it up, and the first thing it said was, ‘What’s your

Neutrino Discoveries Good News for Nintendo 4DS

October 5, 2011 Mariah Miller Leave a comment

Time Travel Gaming in Nintendo’s Future REDMOND, WA – CERN’s highest-paying investor, Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata, is hoping to harness the newly discovered power of the neutrino for the chance to realize his latest dream: the 4DS. This not-so-hush-hush project arrives on the coattails of a declining interest in Nintendo’s last handheld console, the 3DS. In the face of plummeting sales, Nintendo decided the fourth dimension–time–was their best bet. An American focus group, comprised mostly of 13 to 21 year

Read more Entertainment, No. 62, Sci/Tech

New Cognitive Disease Causes Millions To Use Hashtags, Annoys Billions Of Others

October 5, 2011 Lauren Schneider Leave a comment

EVANSTON – An infectious disease causing millions of people to insert pound signs followed by senseless clichés at the end of all their typed sentences is quickly becoming a global pandemic. First affecting only attention-seeking Twitter addicts, the virus has now spread to Facebook users, Google Plus members, and countless others, essentially annoying the living fuck out of anyone on Earth who has yet to catch the sickness. “Facebook is bad enough as it is. Whiny status updates about how

Girl Mistakenly Thinks Everyone Cares Where She Is

May 18, 2011 Noah Rawitz Leave a comment

EVANSTON – In one of the most severe cases of what doctors are now calling “Look-At-Me Syndrome,” or LAMS, Weinberg sophomore Catey Jepson has developed an extreme compulsion to let as many people as possible know where she is at all times. In some instances, Jepson also lets on how she feels about where she is. “At any given time of the day, I’m certain nearly everyone is wondering where I am,” Jepson said. “I’ve made it my mission to

Fermilab Finds New Elementary Particle

April 13, 2011 Jared Tyler Leave a comment

BATAVIA, IL – Last Thursday, Fermilab researchers announced that after smashing a lot of things together moving really really fast, they finally discovered a new fundamental particle. Scientists have decided to call the particle a “brickon.” “At first we didn’t know what to make of this particle,” said Fermilab scientist Carl Jacobs. “In the past, we have observed entities that look like larger, differently colored versions of brickons, but this is the first time we have truly observed the particle

[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] An Anthropological Translation of an AIM Conversation

February 17, 2011 Chase Sund One comment

by b4113rh4113r sWeEtIeBABI444: Hey radsportsdude69: hi sWeEtIeBABI444: How’s it going? radsportsdude69: nm u? sWeEtIeBABI444: uhhh… I’m just chillinnnnn :) radsportsdude69: hoo is this? sWeEtIeBABI444: Katie, frm Math radsportsdude69: Oh, hey radsportsdude69: sup? sWeEtIeBABI444: not much. I already asked you that ;) radsportsdude69 : oh yeah lol sWeEtIeBABI444: Wat u up to tonight? radsportsdude69: nm u? sWeEtIeBABI444: lol I’m hanging out with some friends. we jst watched the ring lol radsportsdude69: I kno, shes so hot. I dnt kno y she

Error Report Baffles Microsoft

February 2, 2011 Noah Rawitz Leave a comment

“I don’t get it. The ‘Don’t Send’ option has always been the default. The damned thing is already highlighted to draw the user’s attention.”

Wikipedia, A Tribute

January 18, 2011 Brian Lee

The writers of The Flipside have planned to write an article commemorating the tenth anniversary of the creation of Wikipedia. However, due to approaching midterms and general laziness, we have decided to just copy and paste the Wikipedia entry on Wikipedia instead. Happy tenth, Wikipedia! Wikipedia ( /ˌwɪkɪˈpiːdi.ə/ or /ˌwɪkiˈpiːdi.ə/ WIK-i-PEE-dee-ə) is a free, web-based, collaborative, multilingual encyclopedia project supported by the non-profit Wikimedia Foundation. Its 17 million articles (over 3.5 million in English) have been written collaboratively by volunteers