Bernie Recruited to Olympic Track Team after Proving Unending Passion for Running
“Bernie has been running across the country for years, and as far as we can tell, will run until he dies.”
Category Archives: Politics
State of the Union between Donald and Melania rapidly deteriorating
Melania could not be reached for comment, as she was busy staring out a White House window, her hand pressed against the cold glass, thinking of the days when she was a young girl and had nothing, and how much she took those days for granted.
Trump Now Has Complete Set of Happy Meal Toys
“I got them all, folks,” the actual president said to raucous cheers from his unpaid Secret Service guards.
Elizabeth Warren “Yeets” Onto Your Instagram Feed
Twenty-something social media influencer and cryptic concept filmmaker Brynlee Hodges was truly inspired by Warren’s yeet.
Count von Count Tabbed to Handle Election Recount Process
Sadly, Mr. Von Count was not able to meet with election board officials before the races were officially called.
Hillary 4: Apocalypse Unleashed Slated For Fall 2020 Release
The series has been around for so long that critics aren’t sure what new material Hillary 4: Apocalypse Unleashed can offer.
New Executive Order Is Just Book of Leviticus
At press time, President Trump had already cancelled the executive order after realizing that it would have banned slander, lying, showing partiality to the rich, and of course, letting your hair become unkempt.
Prior To Resigning, Jeff Sessions Jails One More Minority For “Old Times’ Sake”
“I knew that I had to go out with one last humdinger.”
JB Pritzker Launches Two Month Long “Thank You” Ad Campaign
“I thought, ‘No, that’s not possible. I thought we were done with this. Why is he back? For God’s sake, why is he back?’”
Journalist Killing Breaks Long Tradition of Free Speech and Progressivism in Saudi Arabia
The international community has been bewildered, with multiple UN representatives expressing disbelief over the historically peaceful Middle-Eastern nation suddenly cracking down on freedom of the press.