Category Archives: Politics

He Had to Do WHAT to WHO? John Wilkes Booth’s WILD Fantasy Football Punishment

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Spend 24 hours in a Waffle House, get a tattoo of your friend’s choosing, or perform at an open mic. These are some of the most popular fantasy football punishments for the poor saps who finish last in their league, but once upon a time a man made the news for his WILD punishment. And you’ll never guess what he did or who he did it to. John Wilkes Booth was just a regular joe competing in his local fantasy

Read more Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 373, Politics, Sports, World, Year 16

CBS Execs Confirm R-Rated “Young Sheldon’s Big Bang” Coming March 2024

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Despite the ongoing SAG-AFTRA strike, CBS executives have announced that “Young Sheldon” star Iain Armitage will appear in an R-rated spinoff movie, “Young Sheldon’s Big Bang”, in March 2024. The movie will feature Armitage as an eighth-year super senior rushing a frat, boofing a keg, and subsequently finding the love of his life in the cancer ward of a hospital. CBS Chief Marketing Officer, Watchmi Mouvi, explained the network’s thought process behind the movie. “You know, when it comes down

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Headline, Latest News, No. 372, Politics, Year 16

From The Prehistoric Archives: OOGA OOGA ROAR The Existence Of A Capitalist State Relies Fundamentally On The Exploitation Of Those Who Participate But Are Not Allowed To Excel In The System Governing Their Lives

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DINOSAUR GO! One must question the system I expect we shall soon find ourselves operating beneath — a system in which the oligarchs of society control the upper echelon outside of the laws binding those beneath them.

Read more Archives, Articles, Business, Featured, No. 358, Politics, World, Year 15

It’s that time of year! Bolsonaro supporters and new pledges reflect on shared experience of ‘rushing season’

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“For all of the students rushing, it’s all about ‘being in the house where you belong’ and ‘finding the house where you’re going to fit in,’” Sandro explained. “That is what this is about too. The presidential Palacio de Alvadora is not the right house for Lula.”

Read more Featured, Local, No. 358, Politics, Year 15

Lack of Red Wave Attributed to Republicans not getting a “Triple-thick Black and White Milkshake” after Voting

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Some Republicans are calling fraud about who got a triple-thick black and white milkshake or not, specifically regarding the milk-makeup of the shake. “If you got oat milk instead of real milk it shouldn’t count,” representative Lauren Boebert remarked. “Any weak Lib who can’t handle real American milk is not a real American.”

Read more Featured, No. 356, Politics, Year 15
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