Members of the House Tea Party Caucus, who frequently represents the period-costume-wearing wing of the Republican Party, began circulating a memo urging Republican senators to reject the nomination.
The Articles do not contain a president, a Supreme Court, congressional power of taxation, or congressional power to regulate trade. Such a proposal thus represents a minor increase in Republican demands during negotiations.
Bars in the District of Columbia have been filled with congressmen all month, and private parties are held almost daily.
“Members of Congress are expected to comply with the long-upheld standard of doing nothing right,” said Head of Congressional Security Ron Mullins.
Senator Cruz touched upon the Socialist implications of randomly distributing cards to the players and having a equitably rotating judge pick a card based on its humor or applicability.
“At… At first I thought that we could just throw some illegals its way and everything would be fine, but then I realized that it only wanted Americans,” stammered House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA).
“I feel like we’re always talking about the debt ceiling and budget,” said Rep. Larry Bucshon (R-Indiana). “Is anyone else getting major dĂ©jĂ vu here?”
NEW YORK, NY — Carlos Danger, the greatest Internet celebrity since hall-of-fame class act Amanda Bynes, has changed his name in response to the confused and critical responses he received on social media today. The Mexican vigilante and dick-pic-taker extraordinaire felt his identity was severely compromised and degraded when throngs of social media aficionados and standup wannabes criticized his vaguely racially-offensive pseudonym in somewhat more racially-offensive one-liners. “The idea to use my name as the label for the Republican immigration
MOSCOW, RUSSIA — Former NSA analyst Edward Snowden has evaded the clutches of his pursuers once again by cleverly adopting the disguise of a terrified, disheveled 60-year-old. Snowden’s continued freedom is believed to hinge on his new appearance being a sharp departure from the now-familiar photo of a fresh-faced 29-year-old idealist interviewed in a Hong Kong hotel room just two weeks ago by The Guardian. Multiple sources report that Snowden first adopted his new disguise while trapped in a Moscow
ST. PAUL, MN — Fulfilling the prophecies of evangelical Christians nation-wide, the state of Minnesota has come down with a case of same-sex marriage after failing to keep its distance from infected state Iowa. The contagious legislation was signed into law Monday and the hellfire-summoning nuptials will begin in August. State Representative Chip Cravaack says he “totally called” the transformation of the state’s legislative orientation: “I knew when Minnesota started hanging out with the abnormal, deviant states, it would catch