Letter: Examining the Flipside Wage Gap
Is the wage gap between campus publications a result of discrimination? The underlying cause is uncertain, but jumping to conclusions in the absence of proof is totally logical.
Category Archives: Politics
New ASG Secret Police to Protect Senators from Peer Pressure
Modeled after the historically sophisticated state security agencies in the Soviet bloc, the agency will focus on counterintelligence operations with a heavy focus on sabotage of political dissidence.
Freshman’s Sentence to 30 Days in Plex Sparks Human Rights Controversy
George Davis of the newly-created Office of Creative Disciplinary Action said the university was getting a lot of pushback from peer institutions but decided to proceed regardless, as “the little shits started drinking fancier booze than I do.”
House Republicans Shoot down Equal Pay Bill, Protect American Inequality
Representative Brett Guthrie said, “Look, a man makes a dollar and a woman makes sixty cents. That’s following the three-fifths compromise to a T. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
FDA’s Proposed Changes to Nutritional Labels Include Graphic Images Illustrating the Effects of Overeating
The images will include pictures of people testing their blood sugar, undergoing open heart surgery, and close-ups of gelatinous rolls of fat. They will appear on foods like sodas, fast food, and everything sold at the Wisconsin State Fair.
New Stickers Greatly Decrease Student-Carried Firearms
“Now that I can’t bring my gun to class with me any more, I have to settle for my katana to protect myself from the rampant crime on campus.”
Clay Aiken’s Political Career Ended as Opponent Studdard Has Last Minute Surge
Aiken pounded the competition week after week with top-notch speeches, rallies, and appearances. His opponent was less consistent, having a small number of impressive performances but many that were met with mediocre reviews.
God Denies Ever Creating Ken Ham
“The Bible says I said ‘let there be light,’ not ‘let there be Ken Ham,’” God wrote in a brief statement to the press.
Obama Gives Credit to “the Real American Heroes” for Ending the Shutdown
Michelle Angelo, who volunteered during both of Obama’s presidential campaigns, said it was this kind of government she had envisioned when she first saw Obama’s “Hope” posters.
State of the Union Bumped for Sitcom Rerun
Head speechwriter Milton Hart has hinted at a possible cliffhanger ending that will leave a “fan-favorite” Cabinet member dead.