Columbus, Ohio changes name to Indigenous People, OH
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
Category Archives: Politics
OPINION: #ThanksObama
I personally had to wait to cross a street while his motorcade passed by. I thought pedestrians had the right-of-way, Mr. President.
Canadian International Student Doesn’t Give a Shit About Your Obama Stories
Colby told reporters. “I don’t feel like I should get excited about the leader of a country inferior to mine, eh?”
Obama Spotted at Deuce Thursday
Using his motorcade in place of an Uber, the leader of the free world saw no reason not to indulge in $3 beers.
FDA Bans Sale of e-Cigarettes to Minors, Ensuring Minors Will Never Want to Try e-Cigarettes
The FDA has attached an air of danger and rebellion to a product that makes its users look like they’re smoking a fucking kazoo.
Letter: Examining the Flipside Wage Gap
Is the wage gap between campus publications a result of discrimination? The underlying cause is uncertain, but jumping to conclusions in the absence of proof is totally logical.
New ASG Secret Police to Protect Senators from Peer Pressure
Modeled after the historically sophisticated state security agencies in the Soviet bloc, the agency will focus on counterintelligence operations with a heavy focus on sabotage of political dissidence.
Freshman’s Sentence to 30 Days in Plex Sparks Human Rights Controversy
George Davis of the newly-created Office of Creative Disciplinary Action said the university was getting a lot of pushback from peer institutions but decided to proceed regardless, as “the little shits started drinking fancier booze than I do.”
House Republicans Shoot down Equal Pay Bill, Protect American Inequality
Representative Brett Guthrie said, “Look, a man makes a dollar and a woman makes sixty cents. That’s following the three-fifths compromise to a T. I don’t see what the big deal is.”
FDA’s Proposed Changes to Nutritional Labels Include Graphic Images Illustrating the Effects of Overeating
The images will include pictures of people testing their blood sugar, undergoing open heart surgery, and close-ups of gelatinous rolls of fat. They will appear on foods like sodas, fast food, and everything sold at the Wisconsin State Fair.