“Everyone talks about Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers graduating from NU, but how are we supposed to know about Rahm Emanuel? I’m from here and I didn’t even know Chicago had a mayor,” said sophomore Johnny Howard.
“I don’t think sex is necessary for a hookup,” argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. “It’s got to get to third base though.”
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
I personally had to wait to cross a street while his motorcade passed by. I thought pedestrians had the right-of-way, Mr. President.
Colby told reporters. “I don’t feel like I should get excited about the leader of a country inferior to mine, eh?”
Using his motorcade in place of an Uber, the leader of the free world saw no reason not to indulge in $3 beers.
The FDA has attached an air of danger and rebellion to a product that makes its users look like they’re smoking a fucking kazoo.
Is the wage gap between campus publications a result of discrimination? The underlying cause is uncertain, but jumping to conclusions in the absence of proof is totally logical.
Modeled after the historically sophisticated state security agencies in the Soviet bloc, the agency will focus on counterintelligence operations with a heavy focus on sabotage of political dissidence.
George Davis of the newly-created Office of Creative Disciplinary Action said the university was getting a lot of pushback from peer institutions but decided to proceed regardless, as “the little shits started drinking fancier booze than I do.”