Op-Ed: It’s Not Too Late for Bernie to Win
If we believe hard enough, Bernie will soon be turning those tweets into amendments.
Category Archives: Politics
Area Woman Forgets Trump Is President, Has 6 Solid Minutes of Peace
“Most mornings, I wake up, check my phone and see a CNN or BBC notification that Trump has gutted the EPA or said something was racist, but this morning was weirdly peaceful.”
Ethics Probe: Ivanka Must Be Paid for Feeding Her Father Blood of the Uninsured
Once aware that Ivanka’s position was textbook nepotism and that she was feeding her father the blood of those less fortunate, the House committee was forced to publicly condemn their fellow Republicans.
Jeff Sessions a Baller on the Segregated Basketball Court
Sessions, when asked to show what he got, gladly demonstrated his “legendary” skills in a pick-up game at the newly re-segregated gym in the Robert F Kennedy Department of Justice Building.
College Republicans Hastily Cancel Plans to Invite Milo Yiannopoulos
“We would never have invited someone so intentionally divisive, with such regressive views on protecting children from sexual assault.”
Melania Concerned with How to Represent a Country She Isn’t From
“When I married Donald, I thought I would be able to live the pampered life of an Eastern-European trophy wife.”
FCC to Mandate “Newspeak” Browser Extension
Under the regulation, every American will be required to use a browser extension that translates potentially subversive texts to politically acceptable language, to take effect February 25.
Demographically Clueless Republican Enters Evanston Mayoral Campaign
“I—despite being a straight, rich, white male conservative—feel like I can be the best ally to people upset at how the world chews up and spits out the little guy.”
Mayoral Candidate Passes the “Who Would I Shoot Heroin With?” Test
“When I look through all of these candidates, I just see a bunch of old out-of-touch men I’d never want to shoot heroin with, but Quinn is something different.”
Op-Ed: My President was White
To my knowledge, Morty is not black, or any other race other than white.