Ask Flippy: How does Santa get into the residence halls if there’s no chimney?
I’m a little concerned – how does Santa Claus get into the dorms if they don’t have chimneys?
Category Archives: Articles
Heroism: Local Woman Explains Manifesting to Homeless Person
After driving five minutes from her Evanston home to Target, 26-year-old Rebecca White noticed what seemed to be an unhoused neighbor standing by the door. The woman then told the man that she could alleviate his suffering through one simple process: manifestation. “I normally would have just walked by, but today I heard one more voice than usual inside my head and it told me to talk to this unhoused man, that it could change his life,” she said. “So
I think I’m going to eat a squirrel. They’re looking sumptuous.
It flashes before my eyes. A streak of gray, a small chittering sound, and a set of wide eyes entice me. My mouth waters, soaks in anticipation. I must eat. The hunger consumes me, ravages my body. I am as ravenous as a skeleton waiting for its next indigestible meal. I lock eyes with the creature, my prey. It chomps on its acorn, daring me to bite. Oh squirrel, I must devour you! The sumptuous squirrels on this campus are
Kamala Harris Launches New Podcast: “Call Her Mamala”
In response, Trump has also launched his own podcast: “Call Me God.”
Woman Kills Herself While Trying to Unfold Sports Bra Insert
Her housemate Emma Davis claimed that she was supposed to meet Caroline and their friends for dinner.  “Caroline told me over text that she just had to finish folding one of her bras—forty minutes, tops, she said. But then forty minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three,” Davis said through tears.
BREAKING: RFK Jr. Admits to Starting Hurricane Milton; “Yea Katrina was me too haha”
In a shocking turn of events this past weekend, RFK Jr., has admitted to being the starting force behind Hurricane Milton.
Poll: Are students ready for the mandatory One Book Northwestern test tomorrow?
“I’m not sure. I’m just glad I marked it in all three of my calendars — gcal, notion, and my Clue period tracking app — months ago when they told us about the test in the first place. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had heard about it the night before, maybe from a friend, or an Instagram post. You know that sinking feeling when you know you’ve forgotten something of incredible importance?”
Republican VP Candidate JD Vance Answers Vogue’s 73 Questions, States One Thing He Can’t Live Without is His KKW Beauty Contour
After a lively debate, Republican Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance invited Vogue inside his home to answer 73 Questions.
Cinema: DC Scholars Disappointed by Depiction of Jokers’ Bulge In New Film: “Ball to Cock Ratio Nowhere Near Canonical”
“On that note,” Mr. Freely continued, “I must admit the depiction of Harley Quinn, especially the breast to waist ratio, was done perfectly. I had a hard-on the whole film!”
J.D. Vance on validity of 2020 election: “Bro, you’re not valid”
We decided to hire two of the country’s best frat bros, Chad Trent and Trevor Brent, as debate advisors for J.D