Category Archives: Articles

Op-Ed: Why I’m Basically Carmen “Carmy ‘Bear'” Berzatto Except With None of the Cooking Talent and All of the Kitchen Fires

When I first watched FX’s The Bear for the first time, I saw myself in the lead, Carmen “Carmy ‘Bear’” Berzatto”, except with none of the cooking talent, but all of the kitchen fires. When Carmen talked about his experiences setting kitchens on fire, I knew that the show’s creator, Christopher Storer, was writing this show for me. The first time I ever cooked something on the stove-top, they had to rebuild half of my house. The second time I ever cooked

Inclusivity Win! To Welcome in the Holiday Season, Michael Schill Googles Kwanzaa

Now that your roommate has finally returned home from his Halloweekend bender at U of I, it’s time to get ready for the holidays. Reports say that Northwestern’s administration is well-aware of the impending season and is “itching to finally get some good press for the first time since we filled in that lake.” Exclusive reports from within the offices of the Michael Schill, famed cheese lover and pet sniffer, indicate that the institution would like to expand the festivities

Area Horse Girl Purposely Misses First Three Shots In P-I-G, Demands We Play H-O-R-S-E Instead

Okay there we were, St. Incitatus Elementary. Sarah’s got the ball. Right under the hoop, granny stance set. It’s gotta be the easiest shot of her life, and she has three chances. P-I-G. That’s the name – er letters of the game. Invented by John Scarne in 1945, PIG has been a hallmark of PE fun ever since. Oddly enough, history purports Scarne and his gang of troubled youth would play the game with dice. That doesn’t make sense. We

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