Fever-Induced Chills A Problem No Longer: Trump Declares Global Warming As Medicinal Substitute For Tylenol
With a Big Mac in one hand, and a concept of a plan in the other, the President got to work
Category Archives: Articles
“That’s just the slippery slope fallacy,” says 2nd monkey jumping on the bed before falling off and bumping his head
“What happened to the first monkey jumping on the bed, while tragic, is in no way indicative of any wider trend. As long as we avoid his recklessness and stay away from the edge of the bed, I see no way that we can suffer a similar fate.” That quote was from Allen, the second monkey jumping on the bed, after his good friend, Sam, another monkey, had fallen off and bumped his head. Sam was diagnosed with a second-degree
Trump Announces the Release of the EpiPen Files after RFK Jr. Announces that Food Allergies Cause Autism
Yesterday, the EpiPen files were released, concluding an RFK Jr.-ordered investigation that determined food allergies to be the root cause of autism.
Breaking: Girl finds out that the rapture has nothing to do with velociraptors “I thought it was, like, the same thing?”
A Northwestern student woke up on September 23rd expecting to find a dinosaur in her dorm room, ready to end her time on the mortal plane.
Days After Charlie Kirk’s Assassination, Old Tweets Attacking the Star-Not-On-Belly Sneetches Resurface
“If I ever see a star-not-on-belly Sneetch making pancakes, I’m going to be like ‘boy, I hope I don’t get food poisoning from these pancakes,’
Ask Flippy: Cargo Pants Beep Beep, Traingo Pants Choo Choo, Boatgo Pants Though?
Dearest Flippy, It was clear since I got my first pair of cargo pants that cargo beep beep–possibly even vroom vroom, depending on the engine. Traingo pants, naturally, go choo choo. It should be noted, however, that choo choo is only a part of the traingo pants. Traingo pants also chugga chugga, which often precedes the aforementioned choo choo. Boatpants, however, remain a trickier quandary to wrestle with. Boat does not go vroom or choo. Although I should note the
From the future: Wow this concrete is so beautiful, I can’t even believe there used to be a lake here!
I assumed Northwestern had always been situated between the lands of northern Chicago and the Great Concrete Basin, so I was surprised to learn about this history.
From the archives: The managing bard hath not prepared a new ballad for this weekth’s meeting of Flipsyde
For every Wednesdayth eve, during the gathering of the Northvvestern Flipsyde under the pale moonlight, the managing bard hath woven a new tale of song and script to entertain the Flippays in their minstrel ways. To the great shock and dismay of all in attendance of this gathering this week, the newly risen managing bard hath not prepar’d a new enchanting ballad. “Every tuesdayth I go to rest in my liege’s domain, support’d by the great joy and excitement of
Hey BBG, Just Went To A Train convention And It Reminded Me How Much I Miss You
I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if you’d be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homies—I know that now. I’m sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and you—head and caboose.I been thinking about what did us in. I was wrong to ask if you’d be cool getting a train run on you by me and my homies—I know that now. I’m sorry, girl. It shoulda just been me and you—head and caboose.
Op-Ed: I Can’t Laugh at a Joke Unless It’s Accompanied by an Article That Reiterates the Joke in Less Funny Terms for 200 Words
The title says it all.