Fox Donates Masked Singer Costumes to Medical Professionals
“We saw this as a great opportunity to take care of our medical heroes,” said Megan Locke, a producer on the show. “Plus, the free publicity doesn’t hurt.”
Category Archives: Articles
Op-Ed: Why Using My Asshole As A Zoom Background Is An Artistic Statement
What better way, then, to light aflame the hearts and minds of my classmates than by plastering my puckered ass skin all over their laptop screens?
RTVF Major Replaces Classes with Criticizing Sister’s Tik Tok
“Wouldn’t you rather listen to a two-hour-long thorough analysis of the silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari than watch a fifteen second video of a tween doing the woah?”
Area Student Wearing Propeller Hat in Zoom Lecture “Doing Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?”
“It’s like she used this tired gimmick to distract us from how self-isolation is deteriorating her mental health,” said her classmate Darrell Jamison, RTVF ‘22. “The propeller looks pretty funny, but I’m not laughing. I’m concerned.”
Amazing Singer Everyone Wants to See in Concert FINALLY going on Instagram Live to Cook Eggs
“Some ‘fans’ have commented that they would prefer to see Ms. Furnuthing… well… sing, but look! She’s cooking eggs! That’s kind of like singing except that there’s no singing involved and eggs ARE involved,” said Furtnuthing’s publicist.
Snooty Weinberg Professor Announces Spring Quarter Universal Fail Policy
“Due to the intense rigor of this course and the extreme inefficiency of my remote teaching, all students will receive a grade of No Pass on their transcripts regardless of their performance in the class this quarter.”
From the Archives: Y2K Poses Biggest Threat to Mankind in History
“I’m willing to lose all of my documents, memories and digital pornography if it means companies saving money that I will never see.”
Freshman Just Referred to Professor as His “Teacher”
“There’s no way I can associate with him anymore. We’re in college now, bro. We have professors, not teachers. It’s just so childish,” said Jacob Villanueva, before heelying away.
Average Tuition Falls After NU4Bloomberg Students Drop Out
The Northwestern administration stated that the dropping students’ tuition accounted for about $55.4 million in lost revenue .
“Well, well, well, who’s laughing now?” Says Student Spending Spring Break in Tiny Deep Sea Capsule
“They all called me ‘Jenny the Weirdo,’ ‘Jenny the Deep Sea Freak,’ ‘Jenny-the-girl-who-got-her-head-stuck-inside-a-beaker-during-a-bio-lab,’” said Smeely, “Oh how the tables have turned!”