Category Archives: Articles

The ScrubFamily is Pregnant!

The ScrubDaddy is the greatest thing to grace this Earth since the SquattyPotty which is the greatest thing since air conditioning. When God created Daddy, soap squirted and bubbles blew. That was long ago, but more recently, ScrubDaddy found his Eve. ScrubMommy is a straight-up hottie. Pretty and usually pink. When she’s not, that’s okay; all colors are welcome. She has Daddy’s original scrubber, but also a sponge side because women are the modded version of men. She’s dual-sided because

Local Emo Indie Boy Stares Straight at the Eclipse: “I’d Rather be Blind than Continue to Watch the Modern Horrors of our Fucked-up World”

“I mean hurricanes in New Orleans, fires in California — those things are expected,” he explained, “but an earthquake in New York?! That’s where I draw the line. My parents are still shaken up about it, especially because they felt it more than others in their building. Because they’re higher up. Well, because they’re on the top floor. I mean, because they’re in the penthouse.”

Op-Ed: To The Campus Coyote – Stay Away From Campus…Or Else…You Wouldn’t Want To Deal With Me On A Full Moon…

“So, I heard there was a coyote running around campus the other day, wreaking havoc…heh…pathetic.” *I stand up from my chair, my large black boots hitting the ground. I have on a tight black top with a leather miniskirt and fishnets. I open my emerald green orbs and smile the smile of someone who is the opposite of sane.* “You want to know my name?” I growl. “Since when has any1 wanted 2 know my name?” “Most days, I lurk

Ask Flippy: Do you think Damian Lillard says “It’s Dame Time” before he has sex?

Dear Flippy, After watching Damian Lillard win the NBA All-Star 3-Point Contest for the second straight year, a burning question came over me. He’s always introduced with the phrase, “It’s Dame Time!” and then he points at his wrist accordingly. It’s cool, it’s fun, whatever. But I began to think about its real life applications. I’ve heard that Lillard is as clutch in the sheets as he is on the court. Thus, do you think he says, “It’s Dame Time!”

From The Man Watching You Through Your Kindle: “Ooooooh Yes Roll Over To Your Side”

Kindles have taken the world by storm. Ever since people realized that you can read embarrassing, smutty novels, or memoirs by cancelled celebrities without revealing the cover to strangers, they have been flying off the shelves. But there is a dark side to this beautiful technological innovation that can store up to 6,000 books while being light as a croissant, the man who watches you through your kindle at night and loves when you roll over on your side. One

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