Anna Wintour Announces Next Year’s Met Gala Theme: “Fuck It. 90’s Taco Bell.”
We’re just going to nelky send 90’s Taco Bell,” Wintour announced, donning a pair of Taco Bell x DIFF sunglasses for the occasion.
Category Archives: Articles
Op-Ed: (Sneaker Head Perspective) “Why Would I Wear a Condom? That Would Crease it!”
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!
I Was Born in the Wrong Generation Says Area Man with Pronounced Browline and Penchant for Hunting Mammoths
“Kids today, only want iPhone and hot chip. No appreciation for flint knapping or nomadic lifestyle,” said Stonespear while eying my processed food nervously.
Dark Horse Candidate Sorton Mhapiro Surges in ASG Presidency Poll After Debate
Mhapiro was a last-minute addition to the debate, entering with black dye dripping down his forehead and frantically reading a sheet of paper that had the words “hip slang the kids are using” Sharpied at the top.
Final Women’s History Month Announced for 2023
There have also been various movements to decide what should replace these lost Women’s History Months. Polling aggregate and news site Buzzfeed is the current battleground for the decision. According to the website, the current leading options are Free Dairy Queen Cone Month, Pride Month 2, Grandparents’ Month, and Monthy McMonthface.
Responsible Landlord: Fire Hazard Resolved When Apartment Burns to Ground
“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”
What Passover Means to Me (Guest Article by Tony Hawk)
The trick involves ten different moves, each symbolizing one of the ten plagues God unleashed on those bogus Egyptians.
Safe Ride Slay! My Car Was 20 Hours Late and Drove Me Into the Lake Kendall Roy-Style
I put in the call at 11:51 P.M. Friday night. Next thing I knew, it was 7:51 P.M. Saturday night.
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
While EPD has concluded that the lamb’s blood mark was “no threat to person or property” in the neighborhood, forensics experts will still “thoroughly investigate the area for signs of lice, flies, locusts, and corpses of firstborn children.”