Grassroots Cannibal Activists Eat from the Ground Up
“You are what you eat, you know?” says Beremy Injoux.
Category Archives: Articles
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Students…Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Y’all Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! I’m absolutely perfect.
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
“It Wasn’t Anti-Semitism,” Says Organization Responsible for MLK Assassination
“Trust us, no one knows how to terrorize minorities like us. If this was a hate crime, we would be the first to know.”
In appeal to youth, Luke Figora begins signing off emails as “Figgy Smalls”
He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phone’s PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: “I think they’ll take my emails more seriously if they see I’m one of them… Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!”
Elmo Escalates Feud by Declaring War on Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Johnson decided to step into the ring with the furry three-and-a-half-year-old, saying that he’ll be “coming to Sesame Street to kick ass and eat cookies, and he’s all out of cookies”
Ask Flippy: I Want to Write a Novel, But I’ve Never Fought in the Spanish Civil War or Emotionally Abused a Woman. What Should I Do?
Never fear! Many authors who know nothing about women have written pages and pages about them.
New Era? Ye (Formerly Kanye) Shortens Name to
To promote the name change, West’s team rented out hospitals across the country and filled the maternity wards with banners displaying the new name.
Op-Ed: If There Are 300 Million Fraudulent Voters, Why Will None of Them Date Me?
“I don’t cry, but if I did, I would shed one manly tear into my MyPillow pillow.”
Euphoria Season 2 Drops: “Honestly We Just Had a Lot of Rhinestones Left Over that were Going to Go to Waste”
“You haven’t seen that much color and sparkle since your childhood best friend vomited Superman ice cream all over the inside of a Claire’s.”