Top 13 People Currently Having a Better College Experience Than You
As winter quarter takes its toll, it seems like a great time to take a step back and reflect on how well literally everyone else in the world is doing.
Category Archives: Articles
CAPS, ZenLeaf Merge To Launch “Just Touch Grass” Campaign
Students who canāt turn that frown upside down after 3 CAPS appointments will receive vouchers for free flower.
Urie Disbands Emo Pop Group To Study Abroad: “It’s Actually Pronounced Panic At The DiTHHHHco”
The aging emo recently announced that his āband,ā Panic! at the Disco, will disband after two generations so Urie can embark on the study-abroad journey of a lifetime in Barcelona.
NU Football Coach Forces Players to Attend Basketball Game to āSee What Being Cheered for Looks Likeā
According to Northwesternās football coach, this torture was deliberate. During the off-season, he has turned to emotional tactics to try and get the Northwestern football team out of their slump.
Northwestern Administration Temporarily Suspends Community Bonding Activities After “Netflix and Schill” Backlash
āWe begged him to leave. We pounded on the doors and shouted. But he just kept smiling. He constantly told us to quiet down because āthis episode has a musical number.ā
Inspired by Disney World, Local Hospitals add Lightning Lane for a Small Premium
Lightning Lane is also available through a subscription service called Insurance+, priced at around $8,000 a year. However, Insurance+ is not available to people with preexisting conditions, on high patient capacity days, or on holidays.
Heartwarming: The Kid Who Always Wears Shorts In Snowy Weather Hospitalized For Hypothermia
Several well-bundled witnesses claim that bystanders celebrated as the irritating brat began shivering uncontrollably on the sidewalk, an event which took place as a moderately severe snowstorm struck the Chicagoland area.Ā
Ask Flippy: I Burned My Finger On Lean Cuisine Steam. Should I Amputate?
Steam is hotter than boiling water, after all: who knows what kind of damage I sustainedā¦
From The Prehistoric Archives: OOGA OOGA ROAR The Existence Of A Capitalist State Relies Fundamentally On The Exploitation Of Those Who Participate But Are Not Allowed To Excel In The System Governing Their Lives
DINOSAUR GO! One must question the system I expect we shall soon find ourselves operating beneath ā a system in which the oligarchs of society control the upper echelon outside of the laws binding those beneath them.
Penguins of Madagascar Arrested on RICO Charges
āMoto Moto does not like the FBI.ā