Op-Ed: Chester Cheetah Lowered His Sunglasses and I Was Smote with the Holy Gaze of God
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.
Category Archives: Opinion
“Sussy” And 50 Other Words I’d Rather Die Than Hear Alvin of Alvin and the Chipmunks Say
“Uwu”
Op-Ed: Top 10 Senses I Acquired after Chewing 5-Gum
Everyone loves that feeling when they have honey all over their hands. I get to have that feeling all the time! Thanks, 5-Gum!
Op-Ed: Hey, Those Cars in the Movie Cars Are Fucked Up, Right? Like, Where Are Their Bones?
The godless abominations have tongues, so they clearly consume some sort of food.
Op-Ed: Yes, My Zoom Photo is My Headshot. I Hate Myself as Much as You Hate Me
I know that people assume I am a pretentious asshole who is completely full of myself. All of these assumptions are valid.
Op-Ed: I Can’t be the Impostor, I was Filling Out my Daily Symptoms on the Northwestern Symptom Tracker App
Taking advantage of the popularity of Among Us, Northwestern has decided to create a similar game to encourage students to complete tasks that they usually avoid, such as signing up for the NCA career fair.
Op-Ed: Thank God Dillo is Online, I Couldn’t Find Funky Shorts to Match My Rainbow Tube Top
I found the perfect rainbow tube top at Urban this summer. Ever since then, I’ve been looking for the right pair of funky shorts, to no avail.
Op-Ed: Why Using My Asshole As A Zoom Background Is An Artistic Statement
What better way, then, to light aflame the hearts and minds of my classmates than by plastering my puckered ass skin all over their laptop screens?
Op-Ed: As a 30-Year Old Man Who Lives in His Parents’ Basement, Parasite Really Spoke to Me
I’ve read other film critics reviews spouting out nonsense about how the movie was a masterful display of how capitalism pits societal classes against each other, but I don’t believe this was really the major point of the film. I understood Bong Joon-ho’s message that middle-aged people who live in their parents’ basement should get the same respect as everyone else.
Op-ed: It’s Not Fair That the “Cool Kids” Also Get to Be the “Hot Ones”, There’s No Temperature Left For the Rest of Us.
The Popular Kids are popular precisely because they’re simultaneously “cool” and “hot”. Well I don’t like that- so for once I’ve decided to support climate change.