
Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room

She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.
The scene where the new a cappella recruits dance in the amphitheater is replaced by visions of upperclassmen belting off-key by the Willard piano. The Riff-Off just makes me think of prime time at Norbucks.
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
After reaching out to the pug, who refused to comment, I sat under a tree for 49 days, wailing and tearing my hair, until I reached enlightenment.
“Piggybacking off of that, I just think the way they phrased it was really well. Well-phrased. Which time?”
I conducted a completely unbiased poll sent exclusively to other lonely singles, and—sure enough—we have a scourge of couples on campus.
After hunting the sounds of moccasins and fur-lined jean jackets for all of 3 minutes, I found myself standing in what can only be described as a Tame Impala tailgate.
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.
“Uwu”
Everyone loves that feeling when they have honey all over their hands. I get to have that feeling all the time! Thanks, 5-Gum!