Op-Ed: True Dream Fans Would’ve Seen His Face Reveal During the Capitol Riots
On January 6th, he had a chance to show off his gaming skills as he speedran right through the Capitol gates and clutched the 1v1 against the Capitol police.
Category Archives: Opinion
Op-Ed: (Sneaker Head Perspective) “Why Would I Wear a Condom? That Would Crease it!”
3 hours later she pulls up in her ā11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my momās Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. Iām playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
Op-Ed: Iām Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
After the insane number of Zoom lectures that I attended during Covid, I should have died of boredom long ago, but I havenāt.
Op-ed: Regular Social Media Doesnāt Fuel My Superiority Complex Anymore, So You Can Now Only Find Me on Goodreads and Letterboxd
Itās important to me that when people stalk me on the internet they think āWow, I bet she really understands the importance of symbolism,ā and āDo you think she actually followed what was going on in āInception,ā because it kind of seems like it?ā
Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now Iām trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
The steps of Harris Hall sliced apart like dominoes and did the wave.
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Studentsā¦Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Yāall Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! Iām absolutely perfect.
Op-Ed: If There Are 300 Million Fraudulent Voters, Why Will None of Them Date Me?
“I donāt cry, but if I did, I would shed one manly tear into my MyPillow pillow.”
Op-Ed: Wait, My LinkedIn Job Post Was Self-Congratulatory?
Deep down, I know I earned this internship by trading massive amounts of my inheritance on Robinhood every day.
Op-Ed: Unless they can touch his prostate, do NOT market your presents as “Gifts For Him”
If you want to see a manās face light up, get him something that will leave his legs shaking and booty aching.Ā
Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.