Op-Ed: Wait, My LinkedIn Job Post Was Self-Congratulatory?
Deep down, I know I earned this internship by trading massive amounts of my inheritance on Robinhood every day.
Category Archives: Opinion
Op-Ed: Unless they can touch his prostate, do NOT market your presents as “Gifts For Him”
If you want to see a man’s face light up, get him something that will leave his legs shaking and booty aching.Â
Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.
Op-Ed: I can’t rewatch Pitch Perfect anymore without envisioning the Barden Bellas being that one a cappella group echoing into the night from Kresge
The scene where the new a cappella recruits dance in the amphitheater is replaced by visions of upperclassmen belting off-key by the Willard piano. The Riff-Off just makes me think of prime time at Norbucks.
From The Archives: An Op-ed: Why Do Our Croquet Players Get Donkeys To Ride Around Campus? They Are Dreadful!
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
Op-Ed: My Parents Announced their Divorce, but it’s a Bones Day? A How-to on Navigating Noodle’s Wicked Ways
After reaching out to the pug, who refused to comment, I sat under a tree for 49 days, wailing and tearing my hair, until I reached enlightenment.
Op-Ed: I Just Wanted to Echo What the Other Op-Eds Have Already Said
“Piggybacking off of that, I just think the way they phrased it was really well. Well-phrased. Which time?”
Op-Ed: How to Drive a Wedge Between Every Campus Couple So They Can All Be as Sad as You
I conducted a completely unbiased poll sent exclusively to other lonely singles, and—sure enough—we have a scourge of couples on campus.
Op-Ed: South Campus Men Dress Like a Genie That Comes Out of a Kombucha Bottle
After hunting the sounds of moccasins and fur-lined jean jackets for all of 3 minutes, I found myself standing in what can only be described as a Tame Impala tailgate.
Op-Ed: Chester Cheetah Lowered His Sunglasses and I Was Smote with the Holy Gaze of God
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.