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Category Archives: Opinion

Point-Counterpoint: Should the Debate Team Celebrate Their Victory with a Party?

April 5, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

The Debate Team Deserves a Party! By Clare Roth OH HELL YES we gon’ party. (Like it’s our birthdays, gonna sip Barcardi like it’s our—wait, hold up those are the lyrics right? Yes? No? That shit was my jam back at the 7th grade parties) As you will see by the end of this debate, the answer is clear that we, the winning Northwestern Debate Team, should have a party. I’ll break it down for you. We never have anything

Read more Articles, Local, No. 54, Opinion

Does This Coat Look Good on Me?

March 4, 2011 Brian Earl Leave a comment

I was walking down the street this afternoon when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a puddle of water. Something seemed a little off– My coat. Even though it was on. As in I was wearing it, and it was not off. But it seemed off. Does it look bad on me? It’s a plaid coat. I’m told plaid is in style, and that it brings out my hazel eyes. Is this true? It has a poofy fur

[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] I Can Do Anything I Want (But Mom’s Picking Me Up at 5)

February 17, 2011 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

Hey, Chris, wassup? Excited to hang out later? Oh, Jesus, dude, don’t call it a fucking playdate- ’cause we’re not sixth graders anymore, that’s why! Huh, what’s that? Your parents won’t let you go to the mall by yourself? Jesus Christ, dude, we’re thirteen! They can’t tell us what to do! And we sure as hell don’t need them! Now grow some fucking balls, call your mom, and demand that she drive us to the mall! You need to be

[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] OMG Bruno Just Held My Hand!!!!!!

February 17, 2011 Alex Chudler Leave a comment

[by Heartbeat0506] OH. MY. GOD. I cannot BELIEVE what just happened tonight!!! Ok, so it was Halloween and I went trick-or-treating with Bruno, just the two of us!! Well, his dad walked behind us, but that doesn’t count. Anyway, he went as a knight and I dressed as a princess. It was sooooo romantic

[SEVENTH GRADE ISSUE] This Mad Lib is the Funniest Thing Ever Pooped

February 17, 2011 Sam Gutelle Leave a comment

Three seventh graders stupidly sitting on the back of the school whore have come to the conclusion that the gay lib that they pooped today on the way to vagina is the best one ever.

Best Ways to Win GREEN CUP 2011

February 9, 2011 Flippy Leave a comment

EVANSTON – This list of sure-to-win strategies was compiled from an old book found in the Willard basement. Don’t shower. Who cares what the kids in your classes say? And if your roommate will agree to that too, neither of you will notice the smell after a while. If you absolutely feel the need to shower, do it in another dorm. If you get someone to let you in, be sure to let the water for as long as possible.

2011: Where are the flying cars?

January 10, 2011 Sam Gutelle One comment

By Dermot Dinklewax Hello, my fellow male and female humanoid creatures. I think it’s time we faced some uncomfortable facts. We were lied to. It is AD 2011 – a year that should only be written in Futura Bold – and yet our automobile transportation remains squarely on the ground. COME ON, guys. It’s the future. Let’s get on that. I want to be chillin’ like Bruce Willis in The 5th Element within the next year, or I’m leaving. I’ll

GBFF Found Cheatinnnn

October 20, 2010 Chase Sund Leave a comment

EVANSTON—Twelve girls were horrified last Thursday to discover that Lazarus, their “GBFF” (or “gay best friend forever”), was not only on BFF status with all of them but is also not even gay. “That tramp is bisexual,” exclaimed girl #4. “I saw him hooking up with some chick at PIKEtoberfest… fucking skank.” Lazarus is being accused of not only swearing BFF allegiance via text to each of these ladies, but also spoiling them to numerous Facebook wall posts and Evanston

Stefan Demos: A Biography

October 20, 2010 Flippy One comment

EVANSTON—As your resident sports-illiterate — or perhaps, more lovingly, the new “area sports girlfriend” — I find that the task has fallen on me to ask you all a question that has been weighing heavily on my mind due to recent articles in both our wonderful Flipside and other, lesser Northwestern newspapers alike: who the hell is Demos? His name, along with a rather unflattering action shot (seriously, why are all sports photos so unflattering?), appeared in the headline of

Dillo Day Issue: Ugh, Regina, Shut the Fuck Up Already

May 29, 2010 Nick Zessis Leave a comment

Oh shit! This is really shitty music man. How long have I been out here? It’s only 1:34? Man, she’s been singing with that piano for the longest damn time. This music sucks! She’s hot though, so it’s ok. Wait, no, I think I’m starting to lose my buzz. She’s not as attractive now. I’m not as attractive now. Shit. Shit. Shit. Run back to the house, ok, jungle juice…no. Bud light…no. Ah, here it its, Smirnoff [gulp] ahhhhh no

Read more Entertainment, No. 37, Opinion

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