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Category Archives: Opinion

[NU Spork] The Spork Guide to Dorm Room Cooking

December 7, 2012 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

As much as we all love our delicious Sodexo food served in clean, hygienic Sodexo dining halls, there’s just no substitute for a meal cooked with your own two hands. Unfortunately, because the university doesn’t trust you to not kill yourself with microwaves or hot plates, we here at NU Spork have put together a handy guide to help you prepare food in your dorm room without the pesky constraints of heat sources or proper nutrition. Let’s start with drinks.

[NU Spork] Thoughts From That Guy Eating in Spanish Class

December 6, 2012 Eric Vanchieri Leave a comment

OMG, why did I take Astro and Spanish back to back? Screw it, I’m eating chips. When do I bring them out? Do I wait for group work or is lecture ok? Why does this class have to have 12 people, they’re staring into my soul. Are they judging me for being the “food kid”? Whatever, time to open them. Crap, why are these so crinkly? Is it better to just rip the bag in one fell swoop or open

[NU Spork] Five Helpful Tips for Dorm-Brewing

December 3, 2012 Brian Lee Leave a comment

Got your fake ID stolen? Can’t get your upperclassmen friends to score a handle of Skol for you? Not a fan of the mouthwash taste? You won’t have to deal with these bummers if you make your own fun juice! Making your own booze in your tiny room at Plex can sound like a daunting challenge but it’s also very rewarding. Just follow these simple suggestions and you’ll be on your way to tipsyville by the end of the school

The Flipside’s Best Ways to Accomodate Puerto Rican Star on the U.S. Flag

November 17, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO — Puerto Rico’s majority vote for statehood this past Tuesday raised perhaps the most unsettling question of the entire campaign season. For more than fifty years, the U.S. flag has represented an achievement in both symbolism and geometry, and in that light, a 51st star could be as controversial as Obamacare. We propose here the most viable solutions to this potential configurational cataclysm: 1. Combine the Dakotas, population now about the same as New Hampshire. 2.

Area Squirrel Won’t Shut Up Outside My Window

November 15, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

NEW YORK EVANSTON — As area Flipside reporter Brian Earl was sitting down to write an article about the impact Hurricane Sandy had on the New York subway system, he was rudely interrupted by a squirrel screeching outside his window. “Hurricane Sandy Ironically Clears Subway Tunnels of Sand,” typed Earl, chuckling to his handsome self, prepared to regale the world with his brilliance. All of a sudden — and mid-word, no less — a squirrel went “MRAAP MRAAP MRAAP!” “How

The Campaign in Review: Musings from Rafalca Romney

November 14, 2012 Rachel Beal Leave a comment

Not only could I have done a better job checking Paul Ryan’s math by stamping my left hoof, but I probably could have conveyed a better understanding of the American tax-bracket breakdown based on my observations of barnyard social structure.

The Flipside’s First Quadrennial Editorial Board Presidential Endorsement

November 4, 2012 Brian Earl Leave a comment

After considering all probable consequences on ourselves, on the United States, on the whole world, and most importantly, on The Northwestern Flipside, we are proud to endorse Governor Mitt Romney and Vice President Joe Biden for president and vice president in the 2012 election.

History Teacher a Real Dickwad for Scheduling Test the Monday after Halloween Weekend

October 29, 2012 Clare Roth Leave a comment

By Harry Barbash, Sophomore Economics Major What the fuck, Professor Donaghy? Do you have any idea what happened this last weekend? You think there was time to study for a midterm about the Celts in the 11th century? Because there sure as shit was not. Let’s start with the obvious. Halloween is the peak time for drunken revelry. Halloween just sweetens the crowded-apartment-party pot. Hookups become even more anonymous as you grind up on whatever masked person’s behind you. Alcohol

Great Job Building up College into an Unattainable Ideal!

September 13, 2012 Andrew Schneider Leave a comment

Hey there! You remember me, right? I’m everyone’s favorite killjoy; the name’s Reality. … I can’t wait to chat with you about overbearing midterms, the disappointing social scene, and your crushing feelings of wasted potential. I’ll even try not to laugh.

A Farewell Message from the NU Flipside Founder

June 9, 2012 Nick Zessis One comment

Dear humble Flipside reader, The Stanford Flipside beat me to this, but I guess there’s a precedent now. Like most new student groups at Northwestern, our first task was pivotal: gaining recognition from the omnipotent governing body known as ASG. By the way, ASG actually stands for “A Status Groupsgetallthefunding,” but that’s a story for another farewell message, a much more cynical and ill-tempered farewell message. Yes, that is the best fake acronym I could come up with. I was