āPlease, I have delivered on my part. Let me hold my son, Zachariah āZac-Attackā Zuckerman, again. Let me see my wife, Zora Zelda Zuckerman. I even made you #15 in Best Value Schools, right above the University of Chicago!ā
An aide to the Warren campaign said, āWeād like to make it perfectly clear: Elizabeth Warren is NOT a killer. The only thing killer about her is her killer ābod.ā
Experts say that this newfound popularity with recently divorced fathers has been the result of an increase in microwave ramen and Easy-Mac prices across the country.
Northwestern University Health Services sent out an email last Monday reminding sick students to rest up, drink lots of water, and cough extra loudly in Mudd Library.
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
“Given Dukeās ability to generate money from ears, combine two rings into one, and materialize rabbits from his hat, he is overqualified for the position.”
āThe kids are still going to be fucking hogs. We all know it. But now those kids are going to be fucking corn-fed hogs. Maybe even hogs grown in cages and forced to take growth hormones. Believe me, this university is going to see a spike in hog-fucking-related injuries.ā
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āI canāt wait to personally feed every hardworking familyās Christmas tree into a wood chipper.ā
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because āthey would have blown the American publicās mind, figuratively, of courseā.