Flipside Investigative Report: Where Do All the Uneaten Dining Hall Chickpeas Go?
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…
Category Archives: Nation
Magician Who Pulled Quarter From Trump’s Ear Named New Treasury Secretary
“Given Duke’s ability to generate money from ears, combine two rings into one, and materialize rabbits from his hat, he is overqualified for the position.”
Mississippi State Bans Hog Fucking After Incident
“The kids are still going to be fucking hogs. We all know it. But now those kids are going to be fucking corn-fed hogs. Maybe even hogs grown in cages and forced to take growth hormones. Believe me, this university is going to see a spike in hog-fucking-related injuries.”
What Net Neutrality Means For Us
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Democrats Pull Off Major Victory in War on Christmas
“I can’t wait to personally feed every hardworking family’s Christmas tree into a wood chipper.”
JFK Files Reveal Surprisingly Solid Mixtape
these beats are, in fact, sick, but unfortunately never saw the light of day because “they would have blown the American public’s mind, figuratively, of course”.
Study Confirms That, Despite Wanting to, Gays Cannot Create Hurricanes
“It’s not like we haven’t tried,” said Ainsley.
White Co-Worker: So, Uh, How About That Cubs Game?
After grabbing an unmarked yogurt from the company refrigerator, he knew he had to speak up against the injustice.
Sophomore to Redirect All Questions About Her Summer to Her Instagram
An overly nonchalant caption, exclusively in lowercase letters and overwhelmingly blasé, follows each post.
Pissing Off Minority Group with Weapons Training is Greatest Move to Date, Nation Agrees
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.