Report: Candy Corn âOkayâ
“Both candy corn and its enjoyers have no taste, will show up uninvited at your Halloween parties and can, if so compelled, clog up your ear.”
Category Archives: Nation
Flipside Investigation: Democracy Watchdog Ranks Among Us Above the United States in List of World’s Most Functioning Democracies
I took it upon myself to travel to The Skeld to investigate just how good of a democracy they have.
Biden Mocks Trump Who âProbably Isnât Getting Laid At Allâ In Quarantine
âI really feel for Olâ Donald during his period of isolation. I simply cannot imagine a night without the tunes boppinâ, a drink in my hand, and a hot wife to rail, much less two weeks! Itâs truly a tragedy of our generation.â
Purell Fandom “Displeased” With Culture Going Mainstream
In recent months, the FDA has released several warnings about certain hand sanitizer companies producing faulty content. This downgrade in average quality of hand sanitizer has concerned epidemiologists and doctors alike, but most perturbed are longtime self-proclaimed members of the hand sanitizer fandom. âItâs just disappointing,â said Sandy Teiser, 33. âEven my son, who would never wash his hands when toldâlet alone use soapânow carries five bottles of half-rate hand sanitizer everywhere he goes. Thereâs no way to distinguish between
This Day In History: That Time When Your 3rd Grade Teacher Let Josh P. Recalibrate the SMARTBoard Pen
âYou know, it was completely unexpected,â said Parks, now 19. âWhen she called on me to recalibrate, I originally thought she meant the other Josh, Josh M. Never in a million years would I expect to be chosen for such a prestigious responsibility.â
Local Man Poses as Cardboard Cutout for Three Months to Infiltrate World Series
âThe trick is to sit real still and not breathe too much,â describes Bregman, who claims he wanted to get the authentic ballpark experience without the hassle of paying for tickets or obeying pesky federal guidelines. âI got used to not breathing when I pretended to be dead so my kids could claim life insurance,” he said.
Elderly Trump Supporters Find New Love on Boomr
âI just really needed him to find someone fast so we could talk about baseball again, and I needed to weed out any liberal grandmas or âsnowflakesâ,â
Jewish Students Start Day Long Hunger Strike To Protest Classes On Yom Kippur
With what Rosenstein described as âlike, zeroâ participation from students in Econ, pre-Law, and pre-Med, classes will become even more painful over Zoom than imaginable.
New York Jets Dominate Next 4 Games After Realizing They Were Holding Playbook Upside-Down
The New York Jets of the National Football League are gaining increasing media attention following their sudden four game winning streak against some of the toughest teams in the league, which came after they figured out the playbook needed to be flipped around. Following rumors that NY Jetâs head coach Adam Gase would be removed in the event of another team loss, the ever-scheming playcaller knew he had to whip up something special before taking on the 2-2 Arizona Cardinals.
Person Who Says They âdonât care if youâre black, white, red, green, etcâ Actually Doesnât Really Like Blue People
When asked what the origins of her prejudice were, Smith said sheâs always thought this way but did let slip that her mother ran away to be a groupie of the Blue Man Group when she was 13 years-old.