BREAKING: Chips Ahoy! Employees Test Negative for COVID-19, Positive for Scurvy
The highly complex testing process included having blood drawn, mopping the deck and sparring with a member of a feuding ship.
Category Archives: Nation
Potential Biden Cabinet: President-Elect Eyeing SkyÀllsborg, Jill Biden Believes Grönkulla Matches Kitchen Counters Better
“Biden confused reporters with his inability to clarify whether he was talking about a person or furniture.”
Pfizer Reports Vaccine Effective For 90% of People! Other 10% Contract Chlamydia.
Over the last 8 months, the world has anxiously awaited the development of a cure for COVID-19. However, Pfizer has announced a new vaccine that successfully protects 90% of all people who take it against COVID-19. While many see this as the end-all to coronavirus, others are skeptical over the efficacy of the vaccine. âEver since I signed up to test the vaccine, my balls have been itchingâ, said Jay Mast, who asked to remain anonymous, âat first I thought
Pence blames prostate exam on his exploratory phase in college, tells wife âI will do better next timeâ
What started as a routine check-up turned into an experience unlike any other, except maybe one other.
Report: Candy Corn âOkayâ
“Both candy corn and its enjoyers have no taste, will show up uninvited at your Halloween parties and can, if so compelled, clog up your ear.”
Flipside Investigation: Democracy Watchdog Ranks Among Us Above the United States in List of World’s Most Functioning Democracies
I took it upon myself to travel to The Skeld to investigate just how good of a democracy they have.
Biden Mocks Trump Who âProbably Isnât Getting Laid At Allâ In Quarantine
âI really feel for Olâ Donald during his period of isolation. I simply cannot imagine a night without the tunes boppinâ, a drink in my hand, and a hot wife to rail, much less two weeks! Itâs truly a tragedy of our generation.â
Purell Fandom “Displeased” With Culture Going Mainstream
In recent months, the FDA has released several warnings about certain hand sanitizer companies producing faulty content. This downgrade in average quality of hand sanitizer has concerned epidemiologists and doctors alike, but most perturbed are longtime self-proclaimed members of the hand sanitizer fandom. âItâs just disappointing,â said Sandy Teiser, 33. âEven my son, who would never wash his hands when toldâlet alone use soapânow carries five bottles of half-rate hand sanitizer everywhere he goes. Thereâs no way to distinguish between
This Day In History: That Time When Your 3rd Grade Teacher Let Josh P. Recalibrate the SMARTBoard Pen
âYou know, it was completely unexpected,â said Parks, now 19. âWhen she called on me to recalibrate, I originally thought she meant the other Josh, Josh M. Never in a million years would I expect to be chosen for such a prestigious responsibility.â
Local Man Poses as Cardboard Cutout for Three Months to Infiltrate World Series
âThe trick is to sit real still and not breathe too much,â describes Bregman, who claims he wanted to get the authentic ballpark experience without the hassle of paying for tickets or obeying pesky federal guidelines. âI got used to not breathing when I pretended to be dead so my kids could claim life insurance,” he said.