Backyardigans Lose Backyard to Gentrification
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a yellow hippo or an orange moose or a pink anthropomorphic insect thingy—no one deserves to get kicked out of their home.”
Category Archives: Nation
He Had to Do WHAT to WHO? John Wilkes Booth’s WILD Fantasy Football Punishment
Spend 24 hours in a Waffle House, get a tattoo of your friend’s choosing, or perform at an open mic. These are some of the most popular fantasy football punishments for the poor saps who finish last in their league, but once upon a time a man made the news for his WILD punishment. And you’ll never guess what he did or who he did it to. John Wilkes Booth was just a regular joe competing in his local fantasy
Op-Ed: The Healy-Swift Relationship was the Most Outraged I’ve Seen White Women since Schools were Integrated
Look, I am no stranger to public outrage. I mourned with America over the fall of Blockbuster, I rioted when the McRib was stripped from the McDonald’s menu, and the establishment felt my wrath when Aaron Rodgers tore his Achilles tendon. But oh my god, was I taken aback by one group’s vitriol this past year. This past May, Taylor Swift was rumored to be dating problematic singer Matty Healy, and to be honest I have not seen white women that mad
Woman Sitting On Her Phone Accidentally Finishes To National Alert Buzz
Then just 10 minutes later, at 1:20 pm, an ungodly buzzing erupted throughout the room. But while everyone else was covering their ears, Baldwin was covering her mouth, trying to hide her cum face and mostly just ending up looking constipated.
BREAKING: Pete Davidson Now Dating God, States: “She’s Fine In Bed, I Guess”
When asked to comment, the stand-up comic maintained that a gentleman “never bangs our Lord and tells”.
“I’m Grateful All The Time, I’m Sexy and I’m Kind, I’m Pretty When I Cry” And Other Things Kevin McCarthy Wrote In His Diary While Crying
McCarthy confessed that he had been taking solace in his diary and had been writing the lyrics “I’m grateful all the time/ I’m sexy, and I’m kind/ I’m pretty when I cry.”
After Success Of Barbenheimer, Studios Prepare For Next Creation: “Bratz-Jong Un”
“We have much more in store,” the studios commented, “including a limited-edition Kim Jong Un Bratz doll with matching missile accessories.”
University Wonders Why Students Didn’t Check Emergency Alert Posted To YikYak Immediately After Shooting
In a press conference, President Michael Schill expressed surprise at the criticism.
Disney Adult Disaster: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Scroogepublicans Suspend Two Daisycratic Representatives Over Mouseketool Protest Participation
“It’s not fair to think that taking away people’s rights to a Mouseketool is justified,” Scroogepublican Speaker of the House Cameron Pete said. “I mean, sure, they’ve led to the deaths of thousands upon thousands of both children and adults. But what’s that in comparison to sweet, sweet Benjamins lining my pockets? Those uppity Daisycrats should learn some respect for our fine governing body — and the financial benefactors whose gracious hand controls all policy.”Â
Gwyneth Paltrow Wins Ski Trial, Proving That You Can Never Separate A White Woman From Her Snow 👃
After being accused of purposely running into a man while skiing, actress Gwyneth Paltrow was found innocent of wrongdoing this week, ensuring white women will always have the right to have snow up their nose. This decision comes after a furious legal battle in which the plaintiff claimed that his senses had been dulled after the collision, citing his inability to taste or smell wine. The plaintiff also stated that he could no longer participate in his other “cultural activities,”