5 Horrifically Offensive Halloween Costumes You HAVE to See
We hope you can make it all the way through this gallery without smashing your computer screen in rage. These scumbags really are the lowest of the low.
Category Archives: Nation
STUDY: Under 10% of High School Graduates Prepared to Draw Bell Curves
The report demonstrates that “Bell Curve Degeneracy,” a metric developed exclusively for the report, increased from 0 to 307 between 2008 and 2012.
Government Shutdown Effectively Ends Racism
By closing all national parks, the Ku Klux Klan was forced to cancel their rally in Gettysburg National Military Park. As a result, the shutdown has ended racism.
Man Copes with Breaking Bad’s Ending by Constructing Meth Lab in Basement
The lab will be opened to the public every Sunday night to other fans unwilling to accept that their favorite show ended on its own terms without inevitably becoming awful.
Area Jews Try Not to Complain for a Day
“I’m trying really hard to show some restraint,” Goldberg continued, “but it’s not easy. I’ve been in a really grumpy mood all day since I’m fasting and I woke up with this weird ache in my back and shit, I’m doing it again, aren’t I?”
Dating Site User Touts Qualities Shared By All Non-Sociopathic Humans
When asked about the most private thing she was willing to admit about herself, chigirl91 states that she is a very big fan of Harry Potter, a franchise which has sold over 500 million books and a series of movies which have netted $7.7 billion in profit.
Best-Possible Family Vacation Still 8% More Stressful Than Daily Life
Legrande warned reporters that visiting luxurious hotels, perfectly-manicured beaches, and 4-star restaurants with even tenuously-related kin could potentially do irreparable damage to an average adult’s heart.
BREAKING: Carlos Danger Changes Name to Carlos Fucking Danger
NEW YORK, NY — Carlos Danger, the greatest Internet celebrity since hall-of-fame class act Amanda Bynes, has changed his name in response to the confused and critical responses he received on social media today. The Mexican vigilante and dick-pic-taker extraordinaire felt his identity was severely compromised and degraded when throngs of social media aficionados and standup wannabes criticized his vaguely racially-offensive pseudonym in somewhat more racially-offensive one-liners. “The idea to use my name as the label for the Republican immigration
National Spelling Bee Winner Celebrates by Eating Knaidlach
BAYSIDE HILLS, NY — The 13-year-old winner of the Scripps National Spelling Bee, Arvind Mahankali, celebrated his victory by eating a bowl brimming with knaidlach, a type of dumpling eaten mainly during Passover, and the plural version of the Bee’s winning word. “I was so happy when I won,” said Mahankali, a cymotrichous1 boy whose wavy hair has captured the hearts of would-be spellers across the nation. “Knaidel isn’t even that hard a word. Did you know that last year’s
A Message from the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance: Please Celebrate Memorial Day Respectfully
Dear fellow Northwestern students, As Memorial Day rapidly approaches, the members of the Anglo-Saxon Student Alliance would like to take a moment remind all members of the Wildcat community to please celebrate this time-honored and all-American holiday respectfully. Please remember that eating hot-dogs, hamburgers, and inordinate amounts of pie is not representative of American culture. In fact it marginalizes and offends entire sectors of our community who would prefer cheeseburgers and hot-fudge sundaes. Spending time sun-bathing, swimming and playing backyard