Donner’s Party Ends in Disaster, Cannibalism
After drawing lots, the starving group members were forced to kill and eat Samuel Crafice, Donnerâs twenty-threeâyear-old coworker.
Category Archives: Nation
Ebola Tries to Rebrand Itself a Fad Diet
âItâs like a less-extreme weight-loss supplement. Our ancestors believed in the power of bloodletting, and, the way we see it, Ebola has a similar effect.”
Taylor Swift Writes Breakup Song for Spotify
After a series of very public fights between world-famous country star Taylor Swift and her perennial on-and-off-again fling with Spotify users, the singer did what she does best: she wrote a vengeful breakup song.
Gallup Poll Shows Vicious Divide on the Definition of âHooking Upâ
âI donât think sex is necessary for a hookup,â argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. âItâs got to get to third base though.â
Columbus, Ohio changes name to Indigenous People, OH
Inhabitants of the city, now known as Indigenous Persons, are overwhelmingly in favor of the change as well.
Op-Ed: Weâll Never Forget How Maya Angelou Sat Down On That Bus
Itâs hard to know what to do now. Our figure is gone, our lamp in the darkness of inequality. When Martin Luther King Jr. died, when Malcolm X died, we knew we still had one bastion of justice.
[Small Town Issue] Titonka Police Blotter
The Titonka Fire Dept. was called to George, 64, and Helen, 62, Reynolds’ home late Saturday evening to extinguish a small fire in the coupleâs backyard. The fire is thought to have been set by misguided youths.
STUDY: Walking with Chipotle Bag More Dangerous Than Walking With a Million Dollars
It should be noted that when the Chipotle bags contained a burrito with guacamole on it, the rate of assault went up %1.80 as compared with the burritos without guacamole.
Motherâs Day Spawns Chaos in Lesbian Household
The two wives debated the extent to which Motherâs Day was a means for people who love each other to express their feelings or yet further evidence of institutionalized sexism within our great nationâs borders.
Man Eats Both Nature Valley Granola Bars at Once Like a Goddamn Barbarian
âFrankly, we at Nature Valley find this behavior a violation of our product, and Torreyâs eating habits in no way reflect the kind of consumer we wish to attract,â said John Baringer, president of public relations at Nature Valley. âSeriously, what a goddamn ape.â