OPINION: America is Ready for a First Man
William Jefferson Clinton is just the right man for the job. He has decades of experience in the political arena as former Governor of Arkansas and a brief stint in national politics.
Category Archives: Nation
A Love Letter from Left Shark to Right Shark
Look, I donât want to make assumptions, but itâs just that I have a feeling deep down in my cartilage that you are upset with me, and I think I know why.
Taylor Swift Sets Trademarking Trend
Nicki Minaj will be trademarking âAnaconda,â annoying herpetologists everywhere, who only just recently were able to claim to be studying the Amazonian snake without being questioned about the snake’s opinions on buns.
Patriots to Use Crossbows in Super Bowl XLIX
Dubbed âcrossbow-gate,â the Patriotsâ latest tactic is projected to push the odds to the Patriotsâ favor. Studies show that football teams that use crossbows win 97% of the time against teams that do not use crossbows.
Chakras and Woodchucks; Flipside Interviews Jaden and Willow Smith
Willow: I mean Iâm just doing what I do, and I donât know how to not do what I do, but if they had Willo day or something, I would definitely do what I do here on that specific day.
NFL Pressures Cleveland Browns to Change Name
âThe word âBrownsâ simply has too many negative connotations. Itâs not just that the color is synonymous with dirt and filth. We donât want people to think that our league hates both Indians and Indians!â
Donner’s Party Ends in Disaster, Cannibalism
After drawing lots, the starving group members were forced to kill and eat Samuel Crafice, Donnerâs twenty-threeâyear-old coworker.
Ebola Tries to Rebrand Itself a Fad Diet
âItâs like a less-extreme weight-loss supplement. Our ancestors believed in the power of bloodletting, and, the way we see it, Ebola has a similar effect.”
Taylor Swift Writes Breakup Song for Spotify
After a series of very public fights between world-famous country star Taylor Swift and her perennial on-and-off-again fling with Spotify users, the singer did what she does best: she wrote a vengeful breakup song.
Gallup Poll Shows Vicious Divide on the Definition of âHooking Upâ
âI donât think sex is necessary for a hookup,â argued Gender and Sexuality professor Jezebel Ross. âItâs got to get to third base though.â