Clowns Nationwide Having Trouble Juggling Work and Play
“The only time I have to myself is on my walks through the woods near the kindergarten.”
Category Archives: Nation
Polynesian-Americans Disappointed that Trump Hasn’t Slandered Them Yet
“It just seems like it’s our turn. Where’s our Alicia Machado moment?”
Trump Bumps “Debates” Up List of Democratic Institutions to Destroy
Blaming an unfair system rigged by the nation’s 240-year tradition of majoritarian democracy, Mr. Trump has decided to move “debates” from their current place beneath “taxes.”
Brock Turner’s Summer Internship to End in Time for Fall Classes
The internship was personally designed by Judge Aaron Persky in collaboration with Turner’s expensive defense attorney, to be a “transformative learning experience” about the American justice system.
Obama to Clinton: “I’d Look Fly” in Supreme Court Robes
Over the past few months, Obama has dropped Clinton not-so-subtle hints that he would like to be considered as her Supreme Court nominee once Donald Trump’s campaign sufficiently implodes.
Bernie Sanders Doing Electoral Math with Common Core
Bernie is as optimistic as ever, saying he still has a reasonable chance at winning the nomination, though critics have raised concerns that his electoral math was calculated using Common Core methods.
Marginalized Voices Thankful to Be Misrepresented By Mainstream Sympathizers
“It’s awesome to be dragged along as a convenient symbol in a self-righteous display of social awareness.”
Nobody Large Enough to Fill Scalia’s Seat
President Ronald Regan appointed Scalia to the court in 1986, and throughout Scalia’s years on the court he played a sizeable role in many influential cases.
Chris Christie Drops Campaign, Picks up Sandwich
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently announced that he will be dropping his presidential campaign and picking up a sandwich.
Op Ed: It’s Time for Paid Fraternity Leave
“Paid fraternity leave will end discrimination based on Greek affiliation and make our society better because of it.”