We Didn’t Prepare A Trump Article Because We Believed In a Benevolent God
Here at The Northwestern Flipside, we apologize for not having a Trump victory article, because we believed in a benevolent God.
Category Archives: Nation
Joe Biden Found Hiding Candy around West Wing for Next President
Biden explained it is the most important job he’s had as vice president.
Russian Hackers Successfully Log in to Caesar
The hackers were reportedly able to breach Caesar’s state of the art security measures to check their financial aid statuses, sign up for classes, and print their unofficial transcripts.
Breaking: NAFTA
As repeatedly cited by Donald Trump during tonight’s debate, NAFTA exists. Soon, it might not.
Clowns Nationwide Having Trouble Juggling Work and Play
“The only time I have to myself is on my walks through the woods near the kindergarten.”
Polynesian-Americans Disappointed that Trump Hasn’t Slandered Them Yet
“It just seems like it’s our turn. Where’s our Alicia Machado moment?”
Trump Bumps “Debates” Up List of Democratic Institutions to Destroy
Blaming an unfair system rigged by the nation’s 240-year tradition of majoritarian democracy, Mr. Trump has decided to move “debates” from their current place beneath “taxes.”
Brock Turner’s Summer Internship to End in Time for Fall Classes
The internship was personally designed by Judge Aaron Persky in collaboration with Turner’s expensive defense attorney, to be a “transformative learning experience” about the American justice system.
Obama to Clinton: “I’d Look Fly” in Supreme Court Robes
Over the past few months, Obama has dropped Clinton not-so-subtle hints that he would like to be considered as her Supreme Court nominee once Donald Trump’s campaign sufficiently implodes.
Bernie Sanders Doing Electoral Math with Common Core
Bernie is as optimistic as ever, saying he still has a reasonable chance at winning the nomination, though critics have raised concerns that his electoral math was calculated using Common Core methods.