Category Archives: Nation

Trump Appoints Young Sheldon as Head of Homeland Security

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Since November 5th, the president-elect has made several controversial picks for top positions, including Elon Musk heading the so-called “Department of Government Efficiency” (DOGE). However, even many in Trump’s inner circle have objected to his latest and boldest choice: a literal fourteen-year-old child as Secretary of Homeland Security. Sheldon Lee Cooper, of Medford, Texas, turned down a Ph.D. in physics at Caltech to join the incoming administration, saying that “the decision was a no-brainer after Meemaw took me to visit

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Trump Creates New “BOOM Department” For Bombing His Enemies, Appoints AJ & Big Justice As Secretaries

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While some may have missed the announcement in between Trump’s creation of an “Efficiency Commission” and appointment of a sex criminal to lead the government’s law enforcement agency, the president-elect notably created a “BOOM Department” for bombing his enemies and named AJ & Big Justice as its foremen. Trump originally met AJ & Big Justice while he was working the McDonald’s drive thru. The father-son pair ordered everything on the menu for one of their viral videos and proceeded to

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 395, Politics, World, Year 17

From the Archives: “Goo Goo Ga Ga,” Says Barack Obama, 1

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We aren’t sure why, but we sat down with an infant by the name of Barack Hussein Obama II to talk all things economics, healthcare, and political reform. You know, of course, that international political demagogues and malefactors are intent on condemning the United States government’s attempts to establish liberty and democracy abroad as “imperialist.” Within the confines of your philosophy, how do you think we should best approach diplomatic relations with foreign nations whose ethical principles conflict with American

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 393, Politics, Year 17

Despicable Me 4 Trailer Reveals Minions Led The January 6 Attack

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This past Sunday, Universal Pictures released the trailer for Despicable Me 4, revealing not only the studio’s plan of milking this franchise until its teats fall off, but also the minions’ participation in the January 6 attack on the US Capitol. Recovered security tapes shows the small tic-tac-shaped insurrectionists using their overwhelming numbers to create a living ladder to scale the Capitol’s outer fences and swarm security personnel. There is also footage of the minions replacing historical artwork with humorless

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 384, Politics, World, Year 16

Spotify Wrapped Ruffles Feathers By Featuring Independent Taiwan as Location

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This past November, as we’ve seen so many times before, Spotify Wrapped took the world by storm with its sleek presentation style and the implementation of geographical identifications according to your listening habits. Some users, however, said they received an odd and politically contentious message that read, “This year, your listening took you places, and one place listened just like you: the independent nation of Taiwan.” Some of our readers may know that the political status of Taiwan is a

Read more Featured, Latest News, Nation, No. 380, Politics, World, Year 16
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