Insecure Cold Boyfriend to Purchase “Longer Johns”
“It’s like long johns, but longer”
Category Archives: Local
Grassroots Cannibal Activists Eat from the Ground Up
“You are what you eat, you know?” says Beremy Injoux.
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Students…Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Y’all Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! I’m absolutely perfect.
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
In appeal to youth, Luke Figora begins signing off emails as “Figgy Smalls”
He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phone’s PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: “I think they’ll take my emails more seriously if they see I’m one of them… Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!”
Former Willie The Wildcat Student Mascot Reflects On Days In The Fur: ‘The Tail Plug Always Started To Chafe By Halftime’
“Turns out a Wildcat win can bring extreme pleasure in more ways than one,” Nal reflected.
Prospective Off-Campus Residents Alarmed to see White Male Mediocrity Also Applies to Landlords
“Having high expectations only to realize that I’ve just found yet another guy with commitment issues and an inability to fix basic problems? That’s what I expect from my boyfriends, not the man I pay $1,000 monthly.”
Awoooooooooga! Morty steps out in some tight pants
“I never thought I would ever have the urge to call Morty a dame,” said Michael “But there I was, holding my eyeballs in their sockets so they wouldn’t pop out like a Looney Tunes horndog.”
3 Ghosts Visiting You This Christmas Eve Would LOVE It If You Could Fill Out This Really Quick Psych Survey on Your Drinking Habits
The paranormal need to sample your drinking tendencies doesn’t care for your school’s non-denominational winter break one bit.
Op-Ed: Why I decided to let my pre-med friend perform my appendectomy in the Slivka common room
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.