Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
Category Archives: Local
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Whenever I see an email from the university, I think about it. Then I decide that I have to do something about it, and that the support of 70 of my peers out of thousands will be a large enough group to bring about change or adequate resistance
Girl Promised “Hamptons Vacation” Shocked When Sugar Daddy’s Prius Pulls Into Hampton Inn Chicago/North Shore
When the car showed up, it was just his son dropping off the Prius after tennis practice – and I started to get really worried.
Insecure Cold Boyfriend to Purchase “Longer Johns”
“It’s like long johns, but longer”
Grassroots Cannibal Activists Eat from the Ground Up
“You are what you eat, you know?” says Beremy Injoux.
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Students…Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Y’all Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! I’m absolutely perfect.
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
In appeal to youth, Luke Figora begins signing off emails as “Figgy Smalls”
He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phone’s PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: “I think they’ll take my emails more seriously if they see I’m one of them… Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!”
Former Willie The Wildcat Student Mascot Reflects On Days In The Fur: ‘The Tail Plug Always Started To Chafe By Halftime’
“Turns out a Wildcat win can bring extreme pleasure in more ways than one,” Nal reflected.
Prospective Off-Campus Residents Alarmed to see White Male Mediocrity Also Applies to Landlords
“Having high expectations only to realize that I’ve just found yet another guy with commitment issues and an inability to fix basic problems? That’s what I expect from my boyfriends, not the man I pay $1,000 monthly.”