“You see, cops, they’re never really looking to arrest anyone—so you just gotta play it cool if you get approached by one,” Driver claimed, while sitting in a holding cell at the local police station.
e wanted to display real-life consequences to the unfortunate students who bombed last week’s midterms. Groppenheimer claimed that he proved these students unfit to study engineering because “If they had learned anything from my class, they would’ve been able to fix the bikes.”
4. Fossil Fuel and Fracking Rig
Divest from YOUR morals tonight, as long as you stay north of Tech. Pro tip: crude oil makes for a fantastic waterproof eyeliner.
Take a risk, and eat your fear, but know your early death lies here…
Northwestern Football Spends $10 Billion on Performance Enhancing Drugs for Players, Still Can’t Seem to Win
“I can flip this shit no problem. But I’m saving the Malört shot for the goddamn Bears game.”
“Who cares about the environment?!” he shouted from his hospital bed. “I’m trying to save all of humanity!”
It’s that time of year again. Leaves are turning hues of crimson, white girls are donning the baggy-sweater-and-leggings look, there’s a chill in the air, and — your horny roommate is texting you “can u stay out tonight?” for the fifth time this week. That’s right, you’ve been sexiled. Your first instinct may be to get mad, but try to remain calm. Remember, roommates are people too! They have needs! What was your roommate supposed to do when he encountered
Chicagoan Jackson Johnson was seen Thursday night taking some real frigging swings pronouncing dishes at Taqueria de San Josè, a local restaurant specializing in Costa Rican cuisine. Johnson, a professional juggler and amateur veterinarian, requested “goockamull with chips” immediately after greeting his server with an “aloha”. He inquired if the restaurant sold “churrithzo,” and described it as “that spicy meat thing in Starbucks sandwiches.” Johnson enthusiastically described the restaurant as “authentic Latincks cuisine” to his friends. Johnson’s friends were “horrified”
“All these people wearing powdered wigs got onto my train car and just started debating and writing on some scroll of paper.”