A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
Category Archives: Local
Northwestern Student’s Unique Accommodation: “I’m Allergic To Any Dorms That Don’t Rhyme With Kincoln Or Lemper”
Northwestern prides itself on being very accessible and accommodating students’ needs, no matter what they are. However, one student’s recent accommodation has administration racing to research this unique condition. “I’m allergic to any dorms that don’t rhyme with Kincoln or Lemper,” a rising sophomore claimed. The student further explained that he needs to be placed in dorms that specifically fit this designation, or else there would be serious consequences. “I would probably spontaneously combust,” the student said, when asked what
Op-Ed: Bisexuals, Stop Dressing Your Boyfriends In Earth Tones, This Campus Looks Like Hobitton
To be frank, you need to let go of this aesthetic in your mind. Your man is not cottagecore, he is an engineer.
“The statue outside Patten Gym is hot,” says area woman whose vibrator has earned a first and last name
Let it be known that The Flipside is vocally For-Fapping.
University Wonders Why Students Didn’t Check Emergency Alert Posted To YikYak Immediately After Shooting
In a press conference, President Michael Schill expressed surprise at the criticism.
Northwestern Baseball Team Realizes They’ve Been Holding Their Bats The Wrong Way After Twelfth Straight Loss
“…thin goes for the win.”
Op-Ed: I Found Out Dance Marathon Wasn’t An Actual Marathon AFTER Doing The Cha-Cha Slide For 26.2 Miles
It wasn’t easy. Sometimes, I felt my elbows revert to jogging elbows. But I re-focused and got back into my rhythm every time. I had some other struggles when I reached Chicago, such as bumping into people when I followed the lyrics of “slide to the left.” I felt self-conscious when I had to clap my hands in rapid succession – people definitely stared. Yet, through all those trials and tribulations, I persevered. When I completed those 26.2 miles, I cried tears of joy.
In Fit Of Extreme Baby Fever, Sophomore Girl Rips Out IUD In Middle Of Dorm Bathroom
Sadly, there were no willing men and, more importantly, no willing sperm.
Ill Kellogg Students Report The Hat Man “Actually Really Good” At Consulting Interviews
After his first ten years in the Shadow Lands between human consciousness and the turbulent, virus-ridden hivemind underscoring the entire known universe, the Hat Man even returned to Bain for six months as an executive recruiter.
RETROSPECTIVE: The Brutal Reign of Despot Tyrant Xanthe Brown
“It vill [sic] be the start of something new,” an anonymous source close to the president (herein called Kizzy Illian) shared. “My comrades and I seek the liberation of all members of the Flipside and Northwestern at large; and with support from those directly involved with the Supreme Leader, we believe she will be ousted summarily.”