NUFB Says Mayo Tub Fight Night “Not Hazing, Just Business”
Despite outcry from many current and former students, NUFB claims that its most recent scandal — Mayo Tub Fight Night — was “not hazing, just business”.
Category Archives: Local
From The Future: University President Finally Emerges From Deep Freezer After Ill-Fated Chill With Schill Event
Schill rejoins a modern faculty comprised primarily of AI lecturers, sentient Lakefill geese and tenure-track professors kept alive on a combination of virgin blood and spite.
“I Pivoted”: The Moment Offset’s Dillo DJ Realized Northwestern Was A PWI
To save the day, he turned to one of his playlists titled “Tighty Whities,” a term he created to describe songs that white people, who still use the word “tight,” think are “tight.”
“This Is My Dream School It’s Sooo Beautiful Here,” Class Of ’27 Commit Posts On Snapchat After Taking Picture Of A Particularly Nice Path
“This is my dream school it’s sooo beautiful here,” incoming Weinberg freshman Meadow Deering posted to her Snapchat, accompanied by a photo of a particularly nice path next to Norris.
Investigation Uncovers University President Michael Schill’s Spotify Account Featuring Playlists Titled “songs to listen to while my administration guts student org funding <3" and "sCHILL vibes"
Many students were indignant after one of his playlists was revealed to be named “Songs to listen to while my admin guts student org funding <3.” The playlist included songs such as “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift and “Bad” by Michael Jackson.
Breaking: Leaked Pictures Reveal New “Ryan Field” To Be Hunger Games Style Arena Where One Lucky Student On The Waitlist Will “Earn Their Spot”
In response to Northwestern’s historically low acceptance rate this year, the administration has taken drastic measures regarding how they will hand out the coveted, and now very minimal, class of 2026 spots to those on the waitlist.
Daily Northwestern To Start Hiring Quality Checkers For Op-Eds: “Whoops. We Forgot”
The statement claimed that the editors of the paper had experienced a “severe lapse in judgment” and that they were “listening and learning” from their “oopsie-daisy uh-oh spaghettio 😢” (emoji included in the statement).
A&O Ball Mosh Pit 90% Swaying, 10% Frat Boys Itching To Punch A Woman
“If I get arrested one more time, my parents are gonna cut my allowance to only 5k a month.”
Northwestern Student’s Unique Accommodation: “I’m Allergic To Any Dorms That Don’t Rhyme With Kincoln Or Lemper”
Northwestern prides itself on being very accessible and accommodating students’ needs, no matter what they are. However, one student’s recent accommodation has administration racing to research this unique condition. “I’m allergic to any dorms that don’t rhyme with Kincoln or Lemper,” a rising sophomore claimed. The student further explained that he needs to be placed in dorms that specifically fit this designation, or else there would be serious consequences. “I would probably spontaneously combust,” the student said, when asked what
Op-Ed: Bisexuals, Stop Dressing Your Boyfriends In Earth Tones, This Campus Looks Like Hobitton
To be frank, you need to let go of this aesthetic in your mind. Your man is not cottagecore, he is an engineer.