Man Disappointed Woman Won’t Take Time to Read His Ironic Shirt
“Not one woman has pointed at the shirt and laughed, and that usually happens no matter what I am wearing!”
Category Archives: Local
Area Woman Touched by Sincerity of Catcaller
“I can just tell from our first interaction that he’s the kind of man I need to be with. I’ve had my fill of guys who don’t shout demeaning things at random passerby.”
Sad Little Library Event Draws Two Whole Undergrads
“I hate my major now and my PA group hasn’t responded to my last five messages in the old GroupMe, so I figured attending this event of my own free will was as good a cry for help as any.”
Mancala Club Treasurer Regales Friends with SOFO War Stories
“Ellen has really been around the block, man. I’m still shook over what she had to do to get that brownie mix for our fundraiser reimbursed.”
Freshman With Housing Selection Number 99999999 Ends up With Dorm Room in Qatar
“Hey, it’s still a Northwestern dorm, isn’t it? We said you have to live on campus for two years, but we never specified which campus.”
Oh God Oh Fuck: NU A Cappella Groups to Headline Dillo Day
“Jesus fucking Christ, please tell me this isn’t happening,” Jason Rothman (WCAS ’19) said as he shook his head in dismay.
A Star Is Born: Northwestern Theater Major to Play “Dead Body #2” On SVU
“As a matter of fact, I actually thought someone had just sent us professional photos of a terminally ill person at first glance. But then, one of our interns played a video Preston sent us of him sitting still for 12 hours and it seemed like the perfect fit. What can I say; the kid’s a natural!”
Local Mom Hopes You Had An Egg-cellent Easter
That’s all, yolks!
Burger King To Be Open 25 Hours On 4/20
“After this 4/20, Burger King will become Burger Emperor.”
From the Archives: Ye Olde Candleshoppe in Evanston Doomed Following Implementation of Electric Lighting on NU Campus
Big time investment banker Mr. Maxwell Harrington said, “Fortunately, I can afford to purchase electric lights for my large, impressive house. The poor folk of this town are just going to have to make more money so they can ditch those obsolete candles.”