Category Archives: Local

Heroism: Local Woman Explains Manifesting to Homeless Person

After driving five minutes from her Evanston home to Target, 26-year-old Rebecca White noticed what seemed to be an unhoused neighbor standing by the door. The woman then told the man that she could alleviate his suffering through one simple process: manifestation. “I normally would have just walked by, but today I heard one more voice than usual inside my head and it told me to talk to this unhoused man, that it could change his life,” she said. “So

I think I’m going to eat a squirrel. They’re looking sumptuous.

It flashes before my eyes. A streak of gray, a small chittering sound, and a set of wide eyes entice me. My mouth waters, soaks in anticipation. I must eat. The hunger consumes me, ravages my body. I am as ravenous as a skeleton waiting for its next indigestible meal. I lock eyes with the creature, my prey. It chomps on its acorn, daring me to bite. Oh squirrel, I must devour you! The sumptuous squirrels on this campus are

Woman Kills Herself While Trying to Unfold Sports Bra Insert

Her housemate Emma Davis claimed that she was supposed to meet Caroline and their friends for dinner.  “Caroline told me over text that she just had to finish folding one of her bras—forty minutes, tops, she said. But then forty minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three,” Davis said through tears.

Poll: Are students ready for the mandatory One Book Northwestern test tomorrow?

“I’m not sure. I’m just glad I marked it in all three of my calendars — gcal, notion, and my Clue period tracking app — months ago when they told us about the test in the first place. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had heard about it the night before, maybe from a friend, or an Instagram post. You know that sinking feeling when you know you’ve forgotten something of incredible importance?”

Local Emo Indie Boy Stares Straight at the Eclipse: “I’d Rather be Blind than Continue to Watch the Modern Horrors of our Fucked-up World”

“I mean hurricanes in New Orleans, fires in California — those things are expected,” he explained, “but an earthquake in New York?! That’s where I draw the line. My parents are still shaken up about it, especially because they felt it more than others in their building. Because they’re higher up. Well, because they’re on the top floor. I mean, because they’re in the penthouse.”

Op-Ed: To The Campus Coyote – Stay Away From Campus…Or Else…You Wouldn’t Want To Deal With Me On A Full Moon…

“So, I heard there was a coyote running around campus the other day, wreaking havoc…heh…pathetic.” *I stand up from my chair, my large black boots hitting the ground. I have on a tight black top with a leather miniskirt and fishnets. I open my emerald green orbs and smile the smile of someone who is the opposite of sane.* “You want to know my name?” I growl. “Since when has any1 wanted 2 know my name?” “Most days, I lurk

Ask Flippy: Do you think Damian Lillard says “It’s Dame Time” before he has sex?

Dear Flippy, After watching Damian Lillard win the NBA All-Star 3-Point Contest for the second straight year, a burning question came over me. He’s always introduced with the phrase, “It’s Dame Time!” and then he points at his wrist accordingly. It’s cool, it’s fun, whatever. But I began to think about its real life applications. I’ve heard that Lillard is as clutch in the sheets as he is on the court. Thus, do you think he says, “It’s Dame Time!”

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