Man Trying to Be Healthier Accidentally Buys Overripe Bananas, Must Bake Them into Banana Bread
Fuffler promised that his diet will be “all uphill once I finish this loaf.”
Category Archives: Local
Dad Encourages Black Mold Growth in House to Create Dorm Experience for Quarantined Freshman Scheduled to Live in Bobb
“Every day I hose down the walls. Then I turn on the heat on low, so we can marinate in the humidity.”
Local Sophomore Sexiles Self Just for the Nostalgia
Weinberg Sophomore Sarah Tennant is not on campus this quarter, but she has found one way to bring a little bit of the college experience home: by forcing herself out of her room while her “roommate” has someone over. “I realized that online classes and virtual hangouts with friends weren’t enough,” she said. “What I was really missing was awkwardly sitting in the dorm lounge trying not to think about my roommate and Kyle from Econ and what they’re doing
Op-Ed: I Can’t be the Impostor, I was Filling Out my Daily Symptoms on the Northwestern Symptom Tracker App
Taking advantage of the popularity of Among Us, Northwestern has decided to create a similar game to encourage students to complete tasks that they usually avoid, such as signing up for the NCA career fair.
Self-Conscious Freshman Isn’t Prepared to Learn That He is the Shortest in PA Group
Bentley’s “inclusive” friends will not be so accepting when they see more than just his Pink Floyd t-shirt and mandala tapestry.
Planned Parenthood Begins Handing Out Copies of League of Legends in Lieu of Condoms
League of Legends functions differently than many contraceptives such as condoms or Plan B. Rather than stop pregnancy, she says, it simply eliminates any chance of sexual (or human) contact at all.
University IT Admin Considering Barring Students, Parents, Faculty, Staff, and Themselves From Access to CAESAR, Citing Security Risks
The functionality of the website will remain exactly the same, which the anonymous informant said is actually the most formidable layer of security.
Northwestern’s Name Officially Changed to (42°N)orth(87.4°W)estern to Prevent Confusion with Similarly Named Schools
“Every day we would see mail destined for similarly named schools misdelivered here. We were getting sick of having to forward it all,” says Felicia Staamp, (42°N)orth(87.4°W)estern’s postmaster.
Freshman Outruns Coronavirus in New Back to School Light-Up Skechers
“Once the lights start blinking, it’s a warning to predators and pathogens alike: don’t mess with the Thermoflash.”
Long-Distance Couple Schedules Asynchronous Date Night
“She eats lunch when I eat dinner, and when she texts me goodnight I’ve been asleep for hours, so I’ve started recording our date nights ahead of time.”