“Socially Liberal But Fiscally Conservative” Econ Bro Supports Women, Calls Female Professor A Bitch
She wasn’t even that hot.
Category Archives: Local
White NU Students Excited to Abolish Greek Life and Oversee the Construction of Near-Identical Social Groups
Well known for their prompt correction of social issues, fraternities and sororities immediately responded to the situation once they reached the adequate threshold of personal shame.
Chick-fil-A Done Being Nice
The employees have responded positively to the changes, even going above and beyond their required training when it came to stripping customers of their morale.
Man Trying to Be Healthier Accidentally Buys Overripe Bananas, Must Bake Them into Banana Bread
Fuffler promised that his diet will be “all uphill once I finish this loaf.”
Dad Encourages Black Mold Growth in House to Create Dorm Experience for Quarantined Freshman Scheduled to Live in Bobb
“Every day I hose down the walls. Then I turn on the heat on low, so we can marinate in the humidity.”
Local Sophomore Sexiles Self Just for the Nostalgia
Weinberg Sophomore Sarah Tennant is not on campus this quarter, but she has found one way to bring a little bit of the college experience home: by forcing herself out of her room while her “roommate” has someone over. “I realized that online classes and virtual hangouts with friends weren’t enough,” she said. “What I was really missing was awkwardly sitting in the dorm lounge trying not to think about my roommate and Kyle from Econ and what they’re doing
Op-Ed: I Can’t be the Impostor, I was Filling Out my Daily Symptoms on the Northwestern Symptom Tracker App
Taking advantage of the popularity of Among Us, Northwestern has decided to create a similar game to encourage students to complete tasks that they usually avoid, such as signing up for the NCA career fair.
Self-Conscious Freshman Isn’t Prepared to Learn That He is the Shortest in PA Group
Bentley’s “inclusive” friends will not be so accepting when they see more than just his Pink Floyd t-shirt and mandala tapestry.
Planned Parenthood Begins Handing Out Copies of League of Legends in Lieu of Condoms
League of Legends functions differently than many contraceptives such as condoms or Plan B. Rather than stop pregnancy, she says, it simply eliminates any chance of sexual (or human) contact at all.
University IT Admin Considering Barring Students, Parents, Faculty, Staff, and Themselves From Access to CAESAR, Citing Security Risks
The functionality of the website will remain exactly the same, which the anonymous informant said is actually the most formidable layer of security.