Mini Humidifier Working Hard
“My face is flakier than Northwestern’s male population, and my knees and elbows are so cracked that James Franco could get trapped down there for 127 hours.”
Category Archives: Local
Ask Flippy: My Dad Finally Came Back After 17 Years, Is He Telling the Truth When He Says He’s a Cicada?
“My dad claimed that he is a cicada and that he needed to hibernate for 17 years.”
Professor Who Talks about Bridgerton in Class Has Not Gotten to the “Wildest Dreams” Sex Scene Yet
Bennett can only cringe in embarrassment knowing that while her professor loves Daphne’s character arc in the first few episodes, she will soon watch the protagonist cum in two minutes with zero foreplay.
Quiz: Are You Named Steve?
Steve, baby, you can’t have completely forgotten about the day we had together.
New Study Shows Over 200% of Northwestern Students Ignore the “One Book” Emails
“Such emails serve absolutely no purpose, other than reminding the majority of students how shitty they are for not reading whatever book it was that they were supposed to.”
Ask Flippy: The Econ bro I hooked up with requested me on LinkedIn, what should I do?
What should I do? I didn’t even know I had a LinkedIn.
BREAKING: Instead of CTECs, Northwestern Students May Now Rate Classes by Selecting One of Dante Aligheri’s Nine Circles of Hell
“My econ professor gave us an assignment to freeze for all eternity,” remarks an anonymous sophomore.
Area Man Has Only Two Dimensions, Cannot Interact With Space and Time As Intended, Ceases To Exist Immediately
“Why would something like this happen to someone so normal?”
Seventh Grade Social Studies Teacher Who Said “I’ll Wait” in 2012 Reportedly Still Waiting
“It’s not bad at all,” she said. “I haven’t talked to my husband in almost a decade, and I’m growing hair out of holes I didn’t even know I had. So I can’t complain.”
What Feet Dream About When They Fall Asleep
“Most of the time my dreams are about the usual stuff… being late for an exam or that sensational feeling of being slowly slid into the savory embrace of a thick haviana flip flop”