How to Wear a Tennis Skirt Un-Ironically
“Here are five ways to style one of Summer 2021’s hottest new trends.”
Category Archives: Local
How To Feng Shui Your Freshman Common Room With One Lone Chair And 17 Ozzis
Window-facing screams “pensive philosophy major thinks they’re better than you and might be.”
Couple Clearly Attempting Water Birth In Dorm Shower
The pair, both 19 and Gemini suns, discovered they were expecting after a night of passion on the Bobb-McCulloch lounge couch, and were set on delivering the baby as naturally as possible.
Ask Flippy: How do I recover after no one responded to my canvas post with “I totally agree. The truth of that statement is definitely true and not false”?
Then I look over at Chad Chadson’s post and he has response after response. I mean come on! All he said was that women are “cool” and that we just need to “like not be sexist”. Even my TA dropped a response: “So true bestie”. Am I that irrelevant?
Local Woman Who Cried During Asynchronous Journalism Lecture on The West Wing Doing Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?
“When I tried to give her a tissue, she started crying about how Dulé Hill was underutilized. I don’t know where she’s getting all this from. She’s only seen four episodes, and it was during her eighth-grade speech and debate class.”
Local Supervillain Decides to Just Put Laser Tripwires in One Big Column in Bout of Anti-Gymnast Hatred
Rather than constructing a long hallway filled with laser tripwires pointed every which way, such that only the most skilled gymnasts can somersault their way through, Dr. Moodering has put all the lasers in one column, all pointing in a single direction. This makes it impossible for even the most limber of heroes to circumvent the lasers and is an offensive jab at the gymnastics community.
Bummer! Meet Cute Goes Wrong When Both People Are Ugly
“I expected HER to be attractive, so it would be fine that I wasn’t,” said Jones, adjusting his fedora and twirling his handlebar mustache.
Housing Finds 700 Students Partying in Bobb. Later Realizes Many “Students” Were Just Large Rats From The Basement’s Super Colony
While others are on the fence, some residents of Bobb are welcoming the new faces. “The rats are actually all great!” said one resident wearing a suspiciously tall chef’s hat. “Help me…please…” she pleaded, smiling
Burnt-Out Senior Joins 200-Level Poetry Class Butt Naked with Poem About the Futility of Higher Education
“Not even a sweatband with his frat’s logo on it to keep his quarantine haircut out of his eyes!”
Norris Gives All 200 Vaccine Doses To Single Football Player
“I feel fucking amazing,” said Jaxmaxon, whose arms, swollen from the several hundred syringe pokes he received, eclipsed every other part of his body. “This is the physique I’ve been working toward for years now.”