Category Archives: Latest News

Op-Ed: Look How Quirky I Am, Iā€™m Drinking From a Silly Straw and Speaking in Tongues

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ā€œIā€™m not like other girlsā€ I think to myself as I sip my almond milk latte from my silly straw, listening to the least popular Lana Del Rey songs on Spotify. My laptop is adorned with quotes from shows obscure enough that people are impressed that I know about them, but not so obscure that they canā€™t recognize them and shower me with praise. And, if thatā€™s not enough, Iā€™m possessed by an ancient Babylonian demon and levitating and speaking in tongues.

Read more Featured, Latest News, Local, No. 397, Year 17

Fall Quarter In Review: I Could Die On This Campus And Nothing Would Change

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What a quarter this has been. From late nights ripping my hair out behind a bookshelf in Core, to late nights ripping my hair out in the corner of the quiet section in Mudd, I truly feel like Iā€™ve reached the limit of what Iā€™m going to accomplish at Northwestern. This has all brought me to one conclusion: I could die and nothing on this campus would change. If I got rolled over by a steam roller, Iā€™d just be

Read more Featured, Latest News, No. 397, Opinion, Year 17

Never Fucking Leaving: Trudeau Actually Planning to “Put on a Little Makeup” and Re-run for Prime Minister Disguised as Black Politician

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Immediately following Trudeauā€™s resignation as Canadaā€™s Prime Minister, he was spotted stalking up on shades of foundation and concealer that a panicked Sephora representative said ā€œtotally did not match his skin tone.ā€

Read more Articles, Featured, Latest News, No. 397, Politics, World, Year 17

Trump Appoints Young Sheldon as Head of Homeland Security

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Since November 5th, the president-elect has made several controversial picks for top positions, including Elon Musk heading the so-called ā€œDepartment of Government Efficiencyā€ (DOGE). However, even many in Trumpā€™s inner circle have objected to his latest and boldest choice: a literal fourteen-year-old child as Secretary of Homeland Security. Sheldon Lee Cooper, of Medford, Texas, turned down a Ph.D. in physics at Caltech to join the incoming administration, saying that ā€œthe decision was a no-brainer after Meemaw took me to visit

Read more Entertainment, Featured, Headline, Latest News, Nation, No. 396, Politics, World

Op-Ed: I think we should bring back the guillotine

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Wood frame, metal blade, disgruntled French hangman. Back in the days of the French Revolution, these were the three things you needed to kill someone, all compiled into one machine: the guillotine. But the extinction of the guillotine isnā€™t just about the advancement of weaponry; it is clearly indicative of a more serious problem in society: people these days donā€™t support blue-collar jobs, and so we need to bring back the guillotine. In the time of the guillotine, killing someone

Read more Featured, Latest News, No. 396, Opinion, Year 17

“Am I Gay,” “Am I Autistic,” And Other Quizzes You Know the Answer to Before You Take Themļæ¼

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Thereā€™s no shame in being curious. Itā€™s okay to need the internet to affirm that you enjoyed kissing your best friend ā€œas an epic prank.ā€ Chances are, you use random strangers or factually unfounded quizzes to answer some other questions. For example, maybe youā€™re not sure if an unhealthy obsession with dino nuggets and Victorian children makes you autistic. Perhaps it does. Best to check

Read more Featured, Latest News, No. 395, Year 17
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