Scheming Eunuch Ben Auby Has NOTHING To Do With Ominous Fog Descending Over EvanstonĀ
I mean, come on, it says āScheming Eunuch, weather sorcererā on his driverās license.
Category Archives: Latest News
Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion
You think your parentsā divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (nĆ©e Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion
Breaking: DEA Busts “Massive TdA Ring”, Arrests 15 High Schoolers Selling Takis
La Racista Chief of Police Trump D. Sucker said of the arrests, āYeah, it was a massive breakthrough. Massive. Got them Tren de Aruba (sic.) bastards. Thatāll teach āem to disrupt the supply chain again.ā
Op-ed: I’d be way better at scooping up red goop than that fuckass robot arm
Just the other day, during my 4th out of 6 hours of daily scrolling on twitter I mean X, I saw a troubling video I had not seen in a hot second. It was that video of that fuckass robot arm trying to scoop up a bunch of red goop and failing MISERABLY. I would do way, way better. I thought we invented robots to be good at completing tasks. Take for example, the robots you see when youāre watching
Man in Identity Crisis Bursts into Tears at āBe Your REAL Selfā TSA Posters
Ance had done everything right. He was a top student, president of his frat, secret Trump voter, and LinkedIn Premium user. So where did everything go wrong? He couldnāt figure it out; all he could do was cry.Ā Ā
All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again
And thatās why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that theyāre deep in prayer while in reality we know that the āconclaveā is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
Ask Flippy: Do you have the right to bear arms?ļæ¼
Dear Flippy, So I recently got arrested for something. Donāt ask me what. Anyways, while I was sitting in the clink, I thought, you know, now would be a great time to reread my pocket Constitution, primarily because I was bored but also because there is a very real possibility I could go to prison. Anyways, when I pulled that Constitution out of my pocket, I saw something that made me think of you, my sweet, sweet bear friend: the
Heartbreaking: Girl who posted on her Instagram story “logging off for a bit, text me if you need to talk to me” contacted by no oneĀ
But then she went on Instagram reels and was emotionally healed.Ā Ā
From an alternate universe where Kanye West stayed sane and won the 2024 election: I really like our new national anthem, Father Stretch my Hands Pt. 1, but do I need to sing the bleached asshole part?
Like the other 150,000,000 people who voted for him, Iām happy with how Yeezy is running this country. Our economy and military have become harder, better, faster, and stronger in responding to foreign aggression. The brilliant financial strategies of the new Fed Chair Pusha T have stopped inflation and reduced the pre-existing economic conditions that created the infamous Gold Diggers. However, I canāt ignore the Pablo Bill which has given us a new national anthemāhis 2016 hit song, āFather Stretch
Why CTECs Need An āAbysmal Dogshitā Option
Seven paragraphs of a scorned freshmanās unhinged ramblings on their āsatan-spawnā Gen Chem Professor can be replaced with two simple words that convey the same thoughts.