Category Archives: Latest News

Flipside attendance skyrockets after Timothee Chalamet says “no one cares about The Northwestern Flipside anymore”

At its most recent meeting, the Northwestern Flipside had record attendance. Hundreds of students crammed into Kresge 2415, eager to write satirical headlines, but, more importantly, to teach a lesson to none other than Timothee Chalamet. The peak in attendance came after Chalamet’s controversial comment about The Flipside, where in an interview he said, “I don’t want to be involved with The Flipside, or things where it’s like, ‘Hey, keep this thing alive!’ Even though it’s like, no one cares

UN Peacekeepers Briefed On Disturbing Emergence Of Talitubbies

Over the hills and far away, Talitubbies DO NOT come to play. Tinky Winky, Dipsy, maLaalaa and Po are indistinguishable because they are under burkas. Hibatullah Akhundzada rises above the hills of Afghanistan but he’s much scarier than ye ol’ teletubby as he does not have a cute, sexy, raspy British accent. Maybe if he had the accent, shakira law would be more acceptable. Still, hips don’t lie. They are coming for your children. United Nations peacekeepers were reportedly briefed

Perry the Platypus Sees His Shadow, 6 More Weeks of Nefarious Scheming To Come

Just earlier this year, the mad man’s antics included creating
a device that would disable all electric vehicle batteries and force commuters to overload
Danville’s poor public transport systems, brainwashing pigeons into stealing people’s jewelry
and bringing it to him, and infecting the city’s water supply with cholera.

Breaking: Scorned Chicagoans Contemplate Releasing Lil Durk from Prison to Kill Matthew Stafford

After the Chicago Bears’ brutal overtime loss to the Los Angeles Rams ruined their chances of advancing into the playoffs, the most diehard Bears fans–many of whom have not felt joy since 1985–concocted a scheme so crazy it might just work. On Monday, January 19th, just one day after the loss, Chicago’s 6th and 16th Wards approved a plan to forcefully facilitate the release of rapper Durk Devontay Banks from prison in exchange for his service in assassinating the Rams’

Breaking: Last Surviving Member of Anti-vax Boy Band Dies at 13 

Tragic news for the alternative medicine community this week as Ben Hanson, former bassist of antivax boy band Granolaz, died from measles at age 13 in his Kalamazoo, MI home. Hanson was the last surviving Granolaz member following the death of Alex Jorgensen—the only band member to reach puberty—from tetanus-related illness in April.  Hanson’s mother, alternative media figure Janice Hanson, was devastated by her son’s death.   “I just don’t understand how this could’ve happened,” Janice told us. “I gave him enough vitamin A supplements to turn

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