Op-Ed: There Are So Many Numbers Out There… Letters, Not So Much
We can mash numbers together to make even bigger numbers… but we can’t make “more letters.” Those are just words.
Category Archives: Latest News
Diddy laments with cellmate Maduro: “my oil also got snatched”
In what legal experts are calling an “unlikely but thematically coherent” meeting of disgraced music mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs and former Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro were overheard commiserating with over the loss of their respective oil reserves. According to sources familiar with the matter, the two men—now housed in the same federal detention facility—bonded over what Combs described as “the experience of watching something viscous, valuable, and deeply personal get taken from you by forces you don’t respect.” “For him,
A Day In My Life As The Ping Pong Paddle On Set Of Marty Supreme
It’s 7:00 AM. I’m ripped out my case. They call them props people, but to me, they’re my captors.
Studies Indicate Millions of Americans Cannot Locate Vulva on a Globe
Americans woke up with shock to the news that US forces captured Nicolás Maduro, the President of the South American country of Vulva.
US Agrees to Sell Saudi Arabia Advanced Cruise Missiles with Warheads Small Enough That They Only Kill Specific Yemeni Children Rather Than the Entire School Bus
The missile allows for extremely precise targeting, which is crucial where the mission calls only for one or two children on board a school bus to be killed.
Black Friday abolished after DEI takedown, renamed to Aryan Friday
Just a few days before Black Friday, the best holiday of consumerist America, President Donald Trump released some shocking news at an impromptu address to the nation. “Why should those people have an entire Friday to themselves? The best day of the week shouldn’t be used to promote certain agendas.” The president commented, “We need a new name for it. One that celebrates the true essence of this nation and what we stand for. One that promotes OUR agenda.” Stores
Dick Cheney Begins Search for Saddam Hussein’s Hiding Spot in Heaven
This story will be updated as the hunt for Saddam Hussein’s spirit continues.
Breaking: Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq To Come Out of Hiding After Dick Cheney’s Death
As news of the death of former Vice President Dick Cheney made its way to Iraq, the Weapons of Mass Destruction began to emerge from hiding after a 22-year disappearance.
IKEA Tells People to Stop Having Sex in Ramnefjälls and Tonstads on Display Floor
IKEA apparently decided the world needed a reminder that their display beds are not to be used for fooling around.
Ask Flippy: What is the best ratio of razor blades to candy to give to trick or treaters?
Buy as many razor blades as candy (hypodermic needles work too) and place them inside the candy. Snickers are my favorite, but other similar candies are acceptable. It helps to build a reputation as “the Snickers house” so kids come back.