Health Center Drops New Fun Fall Condom Flavors
You can really taste the layers. The coolness of the ice cream, the depth of the dough, and the crunch of the apple incites feelings — sexual ones.
Category Archives: Featured
Op-Ed: How I Traded Up From A Meal Swipe All The Way To Schapiro Suite
Some of you came to college to make your parents proud or get silly little degrees in things like “Science” or “Reading”. Not me. I came here to play “The Game”.
Men Beg for Breast Milk to be Available in Plex East
“You have no idea how much it costs my mommy to ship 3 gallons of milk a week. It takes a lot out of her.”
Bring Back Pangea!: And Other Forgotten Landmass Advocacy Campaigns
Northwestern’s newest club, Bring Back Pangea! has taken campus by storm.
So Your Marriage Pact Match Is in McCormick. Now What?
Your grief overcomes you and you fall to your knees. It’s so Joever.
Nu Marriage Pact Runs Out of Men, Unintentionally Doubles Lesbian Population
“It’s gotten so bad that I have mistaken multiple twinks for baddies”
Student Found Sobbing After Astronomy Midterm: “I’M A FUCKING SCORPIO, OKAY?”
Lost in the backrooms of Tech, student Aurora Borealis was found breaking down on floor 2, wing Z, hallway θ, inlet ♥, in closet ✴. After being carted to the nearest CAPS office, she admitted what was troubling her: her recent astronomy exam. Unfortunately, there were no zodiac sign questions in sight for this solemn Scorpio. Even after Professor Smutko had made it abundantly clear on day one that it would not be an astrology class, some people were too
French Bed Bugs Arrive In Chicago: “C’est Incroyable! Eet Is A Pizza Baked Like A Pie”
“Zey have the most incroyable food here in Chicago,” said Camille, another bed bug found at an AMC.
Op-Ed: My National Coming Out Day Was That Damn TND a Month Ago
When that no-longer-anonymous poll cycled around to questions on sexual orientation and gender identity, gay students faced a dilemma
Quentin Tarantino To Direct “Con Air Bud” Movie, Has Titular Dog Stop 9/11
Tarantino explained that since the dogs are “literally down to Earth”, he’ll be casting his human actors based on “feet and feet alone”.