âI donât know who he thinks heâs impressing. It was sorta funny the first week of class, but now itâs just pathetic,â said concerned classmate John Masters.
“Join our movement today and reject the orb-obsessed mainstream.â
âHuh? I donât remember what background anyone had. Besides, canât you just set your virtual background to anything?â
âWe saw this as a great opportunity to take care of our medical heroes,â said Megan Locke, a producer on the show. âPlus, the free publicity doesnât hurt.â
What better way, then, to light aflame the hearts and minds of my classmates than by plastering my puckered ass skin all over their laptop screens?
“Wouldnât you rather listen to a two-hour-long thorough analysis of the silent film The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari than watch a fifteen second video of a tween doing the woah?â
âItâs like she used this tired gimmick to distract us from how self-isolation is deteriorating her mental health,â said her classmate Darrell Jamison, RTVF â22. âThe propeller looks pretty funny, but Iâm not laughing. Iâm concerned.â
âSome âfansâ have commented that they would prefer to see Ms. Furnuthing⊠well⊠sing, but look! Sheâs cooking eggs! Thatâs kind of like singing except that thereâs no singing involved and eggs ARE involved,â said Furtnuthingâs publicist.
“Due to the intense rigor of this course and the extreme inefficiency of my remote teaching, all students will receive a grade of No Pass on their transcripts regardless of their performance in the class this quarter.â
“Iâm willing to lose all of my documents, memories and digital pornography if it means companies saving money that I will never see.â