Students Release Collective Sigh Of Relief After University Acknowledges “Strange And Unprecedented Times”
“It’s just really nice to know they care, you know? To know that they recognize how hard this has all been.”
Category Archives: Featured
Thanks to Donation from Ryan Family, NU Football Can Lose in a More Expensive Stadium
“If we’re going to stand a chance against Minnesota and Michigan, we’re going to have to spend more on our stadium,” said defensive lineman Hugo Bigman.
Op-Ed: South Campus Men Dress Like a Genie That Comes Out of a Kombucha Bottle
After hunting the sounds of moccasins and fur-lined jean jackets for all of 3 minutes, I found myself standing in what can only be described as a Tame Impala tailgate.
New Roommates Discover Dorm Room Has Only One Bed
When asked how the sleeping arrangements affected their relationship as roommates, the Leighs responded that they are “closer than ever, in a platonic way.”
In True Show Of Solidarity With Students, Dearborn Observatory Also About To Collapse
“In unprecedented times like this, it’s nice to know that the observatory feels us.”
Ask Flippy: Am I A College Republican Or Do I Just Like Warm Potato Salad?
I mean, I do love how Larry only seasons it with too much mayo, salt, and a little bit of pepper.
Op-Ed: Chester Cheetah Lowered His Sunglasses and I Was Smote with the Holy Gaze of God
Words cannot describe what I saw or felt in that moment. It was like someone had stabbed Hot Cheetos directly into my eyes—my brain—my soul.
Three Undergrads in a Trench Coat Attempt to Walk into Kellogg
“I asked the kid on top why he was nine feet tall,” Marty continued. “He stuttered for a bit before responding that it was some sort of hormonal imbalance. He also kept going on about how he was pursuing a Masters in “Money” in order to support “local businesses” like VibeQuest and The Table.”
New A24 Coming Age of Film Set to Feature DaBaby as DaAntagonist
DaBaby was asked for comment, but he merely shouted “LET’S GOOOOO!”
From the Archives: Young Girl Collapses From Too Much Deliberation About Whether To Wear the Arctic Monkeys AM Shirt with Black Tights or the Lorde Shirt with Gray Tights to Show Lucas From Language Arts That She’s Not Like Other Girls
“I was trying to find the perfect outfit to show Lucas from language arts that I’m, like, totally random and adorkable!”