Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now I’m trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
The steps of Harris Hall sliced apart like dominoes and did the wave.
Category Archives: Featured
New Survey Finds Curling to be Best Olympic Sport to have Sex to
There’s just something about those rocks that gets my mind thinking and my body moving
Girl Promised “Hamptons Vacation” Shocked When Sugar Daddy’s Prius Pulls Into Hampton Inn Chicago/North Shore
When the car showed up, it was just his son dropping off the Prius after tennis practice – and I started to get really worried.
Insecure Cold Boyfriend to Purchase “Longer Johns”
“It’s like long johns, but longer”
Grassroots Cannibal Activists Eat from the Ground Up
“You are what you eat, you know?” says Beremy Injoux.
Op-ed: Studies Show Seasonal Depression Affects Nearly 99.99% of College Students…Not Me, I Have a SAD Lamp. Y’all Stay Safe Though
I have heard nothing but complaints from my friends about not being able to do their homework, or get out of bed, or take a shower, or look at themselves in the mirror for more than three seconds. But not me! I’m absolutely perfect.
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
“It Wasn’t Anti-Semitism,” Says Organization Responsible for MLK Assassination
“Trust us, no one knows how to terrorize minorities like us. If this was a hate crime, we would be the first to know.”
In appeal to youth, Luke Figora begins signing off emails as “Figgy Smalls”
He told Flipside reporters (accidentally, via secret microphone hidden inside his phone’s PopSocket) about the reasoning behind his decision: “I think they’ll take my emails more seriously if they see I’m one of them… Maybe we should start thinking about sending them Kik messages too, apparently no one uses AOL anymore lolz!!”
Elmo Escalates Feud by Declaring War on Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
Johnson decided to step into the ring with the furry three-and-a-half-year-old, saying that he’ll be “coming to Sesame Street to kick ass and eat cookies, and he’s all out of cookies”